Erin’s Story
On March 10, 2015, I gave birth to the most perfect baby girl, Addalyn Grace, weighing in at 4lbs 5oz and 18 inches long. Unfortunately, the doctors didn’t see how perfectly God formed her. They pointed out every “flaw” while all I saw was my beautiful girl. They sent us home on hospice when she was three days old with a diagnosis of Trisomy 18 and a prognosis of a month at the most.
Our first night at home was terrifying, to say the least. I didn’t know how it was going to happen—if she would die slowly or if we would wake up to her lifeless body. The nurse that came out our first night helped save our girl. She told us about support groups of families who had children with Trisomy 18.
Once I found other families and connected on Facebook, I saw how much hope there was. I immediately began my quest to do everything I could to fight for my baby girl. I was surprised how many doctors would not even see her or consider surgery for her because they felt it wasn’t worth it. Once we got an amazing team of doctors together and had her heart repaired at six months, she began thriving and really growing.
We enjoyed 26 months with our sweet girl, and during that time I grew so much closer to God than I had ever been. I learned what unconditional love really is. I constantly prayed for my girl and leaned on the truth in Scripture that told me God’s plans are not meant to harm me and that He is with me all the time.
During her life, we spent many nights in the hospital with respiratory illnesses that often landed her in the PICU for several days or longer. She had multiple surgeries, one to repair her heart, one for a g button and a cleft lip repair, another cleft lip repair, one to remove her tonsils, and the last was to repair her cleft palate. She did so well with all her surgeries, except the last one. Her doctors thought she would rock it as well, just like she always did.
Two days after her cleft palate repair, our world started to turn upside down. I watched as the doctors swarmed her PICU room and did everything they could for her. When we realized the time had come to let her go, they brought a rocking chair next to her bedside for me to hold her until she was gone from this world.
I held her limp body, apologizing over and over for trying too hard to “fix” her when she was perfect. I no longer had words for God other than, “Please.” I hoped He would miraculously bring her back and that I would wake up from the nightmare I was living in. It had been three days since she had her surgery, the one she was supposed to rock and come home from. Little did I know her coming home wasn’t to our house; it was to her eternal home in heaven.
I struggled, as anyone does when their child dies. When I did pray, it was angry prayers to start with. I had to go back to the Word and remind myself of all the promises of God that I always knew to be true and just tell them to myself over and over. My prayers slowly changed.
Before Addy died, we were planning to foster to adopt. We had done all the trainings and had a room ready for another baby. We put fostering on the back burner for fear it would be too hard, and decided to try fertility treatments instead. After multiple attempts, we discovered it wasn’t going to be possible to conceive. Instead of returning to fostering to adopt, we chose private adoption.
It was three months after our home study was finalized that we received a phone call that a baby boy was born. We packed and got there as quick as we could. It felt like an eternity before we were able to see him. We visited with the birth parents and told them the name we chose for him, Everett. This was his birth grandfather’s name. I don’t think it was any coincidence. We asked them what made them choose us, and his birth mom said it was because of Addy.
After visiting for a couple hours, we got to go up and meet our son for the first time. As soon as I saw him I was in love. It was as if I always knew him and he belonged with us. I wasn’t expecting to feel that way immediately. I honestly didn’t know what I expected. We got to bring him home the next day after all test results came back that he was heathy even though his birth mom smoke and drank while she was pregnant with him.
It was a year and a half after Addalyn died before our son joined our family, and during that time I didn’t think I’d ever feel joy again until heaven. But I know our joy doesn’t come from our circumstances. I asked God over and over to let me see the beauty from the ashes. The words that constantly ran through my head during those days was “there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning” and I believe God is bringing glory to His name through her death.
- Erin Froehner
Hope Mom to Addalyn Grace
I am a mom to Addalyn (Addy) and Everett (Rett). My husband, Jay, and I have been married over six years, and through many life obstacle have grown closer and strengthened our marriage by leaning on God. I teach Jr High science part-time at a local private school and enjoy spending time playing with Everett and going for a run when I have time (which isn’t very often anymore). I’ve learned over the years the importance of my relationship with God. He has been my anchor through storms I didn’t want to make it through.
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