Elizabeth’s Retreat Experience

This year’s retreat was my second to attend. I attended for the first time in March, 2017, just one month after my youngest son had been born still at 16 weeks. This year, just about three weeks before retreat, we found out we were unexpectedly, yet gladly, pregnant. Then on Tuesday, October 15, just days before the retreat, we learned that our baby had stopped developing and I was told I would be miscarrying. We were devastated. 

The day before that, my husband’s car had died, and we couldn’t afford to repair it. I didn’t think I’d be able to attend the retreat with an impending miscarriage and no vehicle to leave with my husband and our living children. But after prayer and reaching out to Hope Mommy friends, God worked it out for me to still be able to attend and I am so very grateful. 

At this retreat, I found a peace that is inexplicable. 

The details that the Hope Mommies’ leadership pours into this weekend, along with the prayer, provides for three days that are unlike any other. Attending retreat is a haven away from the world that often doesn’t understand our sorrow or validate the lives of our precious babies in heaven. 

Going to retreat takes courage—I know, I have been nervous both times as it approached. But once I am there, peace surrounds my heart and I have found, twice, a safe place to grieve, to share my babies, to see their names and hear their names spoken, and to be encouraged with truth. This year, the Lord worked powerfully in my life, drawing me into worship in a way I have never before experienced, even as I waited on my third Hope Baby to pass to heaven. Fellow Hope Moms asked how I was doing, offered me genuine, caring hugs, prayed for me, and pointed me to the only true hope—Jesus. 

One of the most powerful aspects of the weekend is the prayer room—a place where we are lead into the presence of God through reading His Word, praying and crying out to Him, and remembering our babies by seeing their names and sweet faces. This year’s guided Bible reading and prayer room activities were so challenging and encouraging. I’ve never before studied Habakkuk nor understood God’s truth that this book offers. Seeing Habakkuk walk through questioning God amidst hard circumstances and then coming to a place of relying on God’s known faithfulness even though his circumstances remained difficult, was so encouraging to me and so applicable to living a life as a bereaved mother with a good, faithful God. 

God worked so intimately in my heart and life this year, drawing me to focus on Him and worship Him even as my heart was breaking for a third time—truly showing me how anchoring my life and mind and heart on Him as my foundation is the only truth in this life that will give me purpose now and hope for what is to come. When I returned home, I had to work on Monday, then had a homeschooling commitment with my living children on Tuesday. Within an hour of getting home Tuesday, my third Hope Baby began to slip away, and while I was devastated, I had a peace and a hope knowing that this third loss does not mean I am broken or that my baby is gone forever. 

Rather, I clung to the truth that God had woven into my heart during retreat—that I am whole in Christ, that His wounds heal me because of His grace and love, and that my baby is alive in heaven, held by God and knowing eternal joy and peace as he worships our good God and is together with his two siblings who have gone on before. 

For any mother with babies who have died in pregnancy or infancy, I encourage you to invest in yourself and attend a Hope Mommies retreat. You will be forever changed and find a love and encouragement that is found nowhere else.

I am a pastor’s wife to the love of my life and mother to seven wonderful blessings: Jacob (8.5), Ruth Evelyn (7), Rebekah (4.5), Jordan (born in Heaven 10.8.2016), Jonathan (born in Heaven 2.5.2017), Emma (17 months), and Samuel (born in Heaven October 2019). I am a certified sign language interpreter of 19 years, a homeschooling mother, and a lover of a good hot cup of herbal tea or coffee and a coffee-scented candle. We love spontaneous Bruffey adventures, road trips, and family movie nights.

Hope Mommies is offering two retreats in 2020:
March 13-15 and October 16-18  
Registration is now open. Find out more HERE

Will you share with us a testimony of how God has worked in your life through Hope Mommies in a Hope Group, a local chapter, an annual retreat, a Hope Box fundraiser or gathering, or your October 15 event? You can learn more and submit your testimony here.

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