Discussions in Grief: Feeling Robbed
Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.
My daughter, Kinley, entered this world at 27 1/2 weeks, trimming three months off my pregnancy. She lived 44 days, cutting a lifetime off her life.
I felt robbed—robbed of my pregnancy, robbed of my daughter, and robbed of all the memories we would have made together.
It wasn’t enough time. There was supposed to be so much more. I had gone in to my 20-week ultrasound only to be stripped of all joy in pregnancy. I had left that hospital 44 days after Kinley was born with empty arms. My baby would never be coming home with me.
When tragedy occurs, people respond in very different ways. The Bible gives us examples of those that respond in holy, submissive ways:
Job—he lost everything, including his children, and his response was: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21)
Eli—he was given a message from God that judgment would fall on his house. His response was: “He is the Lord; let Him do what is good in His eyes.” (1 Samuel 3:18b)
If I’m being honest, I struggled to relate to these men’s responses immediately after losing my daughter. I wasn’t ready to concede the truth and submit to God’s sovereignty. However, there was another Biblical figure that my momma heart resonated with. Her initial response and hurt mirrored my own.
Naomi.
Naomi knew sorrow. Her husband died and then ten years later, she lost both of her sons.
As Naomi talks to her daughters-in-law and later to people in her hometown, her bitterness and frustration with God are evident:
“No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!” (Ruth 1:13 NIV)
‘“Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”’(Ruth 1:20-21 NIV)
The name Naomi means pleasant, and the name Mara means bitter. Naomi could no longer identify with her former life. She felt robbed of her happiness. Her sons were gone, and joy seemed to have left with them. Naomi couldn’t see past her pain causing her to not recognize the blessing she already had—Ruth.
True, she had lost her sons, but she had gained a daughter. Ruth was devoted to Naomi, leaving her own country to remain with Naomi: “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.” (Ruth 1:16) Ruth claimed Naomi as her own mother, committing to spend her life with Naomi. God provided Naomi with what she had lost—family.
My attitude after losing Kinley strongly resembled that of Naomi. I was so focused on what I had lost that I was blind to God’s provision. I couldn’t see how I could get past this hurt, but God was already paving the road ahead and placing encouragers in my path. He took strangers and acquaintances who had suffered the loss of a child and turned them into dear friends who understood and supported me like no one else. God used my family and friends to rally around me, so I could physically feel God’s presence surrounding me. God utilized so many different individuals to be the Ruth to my Naomi—people that reminded me of God’s faithfulness and that I wasn’t alone.
Naomi’s story didn’t end in bitterness after the death of her sons. God redeemed her sorrow and brought great joy into her life. Ruth gave Naomi companionship and devotion, and Naomi advised Ruth as she would her own daughter which led to Ruth marrying Boaz.
God reinstated Naomi’s role as a mother through Ruth, and Naomi became the great, great grandmother of King David. What a legacy!
“The women said to Naomi: “Praise be to the Lord, who this day has not left you without a guardian-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel! He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age. For your daughter-in-law, who loves you and who is better to you than seven sons, has given him birth.” Then Naomi took the child in her arms and cared for him. The women living there said, “Naomi has a son!” And they named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.” (Ruth 4:14-17 NIV)
One of the many things I love about God is how He doesn’t end our stories with death.
One year and 11 days after losing Kinley, I walked out of that same hospital again. Except this time, my arms weren’t empty. They were holding our third child, Levi Clif. Then two years later, I walked out of that hospital again with arms full holding Leighton Emarie. I went from feeling robbed to redeemed.
Joel 2:25–“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—”
And sweet sister, God’s not done with your story either. Some days it’s really hard to see past the hurt, but He is working. God’s gathering all the broken pieces, all the shattered dreams, everything you feel that was taken from you, and He’s creating something beautiful. God’s breathing hope into despair and overcoming sorrow with joy.
Look for the blessings in your life. Turn your face to the glimmers of light that are being cast in the darkness. You can be confident that God will redeem.
- Stephanie
Hope Mom to Kinley
Stephanie Blanks is an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. She is married to Matt and has four children: Lyston (7), Kinley (who went home to Jesus in 2011), Levi (4), and Leighton (2). Stephanie enjoys singing in her church praise band, running, reading, and spending time with her family.
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