By His Strength: 2019 Retreats

Grief is the intended consequence of losing someone that you love. Grief is natural—even though it feels anything but—and we can know this to be true because of the lament we see in the Psalms.

“My tears have been my food day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
‘Where is your God?'”
Psalm 42:3

“Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish.”
Psalm 25: 16-17

I am currently eight years out from the stillbirth of my daughter, and though I have in no way fully processed my own storm of grief, I have been walking this rocky terrain for a while, and the Lord has been everything to me in it. 

There are so many things that the Lord has shown me in my healing, but something that I didn’t know before my own daughter’s heaven-going, was that for a mother living beyond the death of her child— the hardship, the grief, the challenges—they don’t end at the funeral or after you survive the first year of milestones. Sure, grief changes size and shape with time, but this grief is a journey that lasts a lifetime. And it’s a journey that we are not equipped to travel on our own. 

I can still remember days in the beginning of my grief when I couldn’t see any hope for the future. I felt so much like David lamenting in the Psalms. I hated the silent nights. Seeing pregnant women was more than I could bear. My physical body ached for my daughter’s. And there were days when I couldn’t see through the tears. I wondered how I could live the next few hours, let alone the next 40 years on this earth, without my baby in my arms. I felt forgotten.   

But God.

So often I questioned if God saw my burden and if He would do anything about it. And in the way that only He can, Jesus brought me to the pinnacle of my need so that I might experience the mightiness of His provision and power. I learned that I was made to be satisfied and glad in Him—even in the sorrow, loss, and pain—and you were made for that too, sweet sister. We were made to find our all in all, all our days, in Christ alone.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.
If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept
my Father’s commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that
my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”
John 15: 9-11

But I want to remind you that Christ alone being enough for our every need does not in any way mean that we don’t mourn the loss. It doesn’t mean that we must be strong, or not cry, or not have emotions. It doesn’t mean that we need to fake our feelings or get through them alone. It doesn’t mean that we cannot ask questions of God, or that we need to be ashamed for the times we don’t have it all together. 

John Piper once said, “Not I.  Yet I.  By faith.” What a simple reminder for us to tuck away in our hearts and call to mind on the days when we feel like we can’t—because the truth is WE CAN’T. But God IS ABLE. Because of God’s grace, we can keep climbing this mountain of grief, we can tread where it doesn’t feel safe, and we can have high hopes for the future —even though we lack strength—because our strength isn’t found in ourselves.   

Our strength lies in hoping in more than we ought to have the right to, in believing in more than we can physically see, in walking by faith, in going where we shouldn’t have the nerve to go—all because Christ loves us, and believes for us, and gives us strength to face each new day without our babies in our arms. 

Jesus Christ enables us to audaciously scale the mountain heights and the traverse the valley lows, as new creations in Him—even when our hearts are breaking.  For when we are weak, He is strong. 

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are
no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to tread on the heights.”
Habakkuk 3:17-19

I truly believe that there are so many ways in which a woman who has experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss can be well poised to know God more—to know His deep comfort, to love heaven like never before, and to have a meaningful purpose to fulfill through trusting Him still along this difficult journey. 

God allows us to share in Christ’s suffering, not as a punishment, but as an invitation to abide in Him.  Sister, I encourage you to sit with the anger, hurt, sadness, and disappointment for a time. And then, I would encourage you to ask the Lord to enter into these broken places, and begin to heal them, so that you are equipped to find a deep, abiding faith that transcends emotions and is based on truth.

This suffering you and I have tasted gives us reason to pore over our Bibles—to search for those promises that will give us joy, hope, and peace. We must fight against the grumbling and ingratitude that plague our hearts in order to be a people living free and content. We do not have our babies in our arms, and that pain cuts deep, but we are chosen and not forsaken. God still has good plans and is on the throne, even when we cannot see it. He was the same God before our babies died, as He was when our babies died, and He’s going to be the same God forever and ever. 

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen,
since what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18

It is so easy to be thankful in a season of sunshine and harvest. However, we can be very much blessed by the relationship that we find with our Father, even in dark and difficult seasons. When we cling to Him in a way we hadn’t had to before, and we look to Him more, seek Him more, and worship Him more than we would when life was easy, He is faithful to reveal Himself to us and draw us near. 

God gives us the grace to declare a song of praise in the middle of the bareness of our lives and enables us to choose that no matter what comes our way—that even in the death of our children—we will praise Him because we know that the sovereign Lord makes our feet cloven hooves and He lets us scale the heights.  So, when all is said and done and there is nothing left, we will be standing victorious in the end, with our God, because God alone is our strength. 

“For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?—
the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.”
Psalm 18: 31-33

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more,
because the previous things have passed away.
Then the one seated on the throne said, ‘Look, I am making everything new.’
He also said, ‘Write, because these words are faithful and true.'”
Revelation 21:4-5

Whether in exultation or the depths of grief, like Habakkuk and David, may our hearts cry out that God is our strength.  He enables us to traverse the hardest terrain. He steadies us when we don’t feel equipped and sure footed. When the rug has been swept from beneath our feet it’s the strength we find—only through the hope we have in Christ—that keeps us upright and allows us to run unashamedly to our Father. Sisters, this retreat weekend will be about training our eyes on the Lord as we tread through the loss of our sweet babies ‘by His strength’ alone. 

Will you come spend a weekend with us in 2019?  You don’t have to be ashamed to come broken, angry, hurting, bewildered, nervous, healing—we want you as you are.  We want to hear your story—and not the summed up or detached version we Hope Moms so often share with others—but rather the long and heartfelt story of your baby and your grief, because you are safe to be your baby’s mom with us. In fact, that’s what we want most for you! We want to provide you with space away from your everyday life where you can just be your baby’s mom and breathe. It is our great prayer that you would find rest, connect with the Lord, make friends, and be anchored to the compassion and healing that Christ offers to those who suffer. 

You are loved, Hope Mama, and I can’t wait to meet you!   

For the first time, the Hope Mommies retreat will be offered twice!  The weekends to choose from are: March 1-3 and October 18-20, 2019  Save the Date(s). Registration will open October 1. Find out more HERE

 

Widget not in any sidebars

---

Jennie is the Executive Director for Hope Mommies.  She and her husband Brian live in Washington State and have four precious children together— Trenton who is 11, Paige who has been in Heaven with Jesus since August 2, 2010, Mason who is 6, and Cora Jane who they just welcomed to their family on June 13, 2018.  On an average day you can find her in jeans and a t-shirt, drinking tea, and dancing to worship music in the kitchen with her kiddos.  She loves the beach, going to the movies, taking a walk with no particular destination, peanut M&M’s, and listening to a good podcast.  She adores being a new creation in Christ and prays she reflects Him well on this earth.

---

Are you a writer who would like to join the blog team? Learn more and apply here.

 

---