Brigette’s Story

Luke Charles Hawthorne was a miracle. We had been trying, unsuccessfully, for four years to conceive a child. In November 2019, I had an appointment with my doctor to discuss a possible referral to a fertility specialist. As I was praying, I felt God saying, “Trust Me.” In January 2020, we found out we were pregnant. I was ecstatic! I was finally going to be a mama. I started researching all the baby things and was in a state of bliss. My husband and I even began reading a book on God-centered parenting. Then on May 13, 2020, the unthinkable happened. My water broke when I was only 21 weeks pregnant. The prognosis was poor. My doctor prepared me for the worst. I was sent home on bedrest, and I prayed to make it to 24 weeks, which was when Luke would be viable. We made it to 24 weeks and 1 day, and he literally kicked his way out of me. We prepared for a long NICU stay. Other than being born early, he was perfectly healthy. While he was in the NICU, I developed a blood clot in my leg that travelled to my lungs and almost killed me. We later found out that I have a rare autoimmune blood clotting disorder that not only caused my water to break but had also been preventing me from getting pregnant. My doctor told me that most women don’t find out that they have this disorder until they have a stroke. My little boy saved my life. He also provided a way for us to have his younger siblings. Without him we never would have known. On June 13, 2020, after ten beautiful days, our precious Luke suddenly developed an infection that his little body simply could not fight off, and he went home to our Savior. 

Throughout this entire process, I have felt God saying, “Trust Me.” From the moment we thought of consulting a fertility doctor to when I was holding Luke’s tiny body in my arms, I heard “Trust Me.” It’s so hard to trust when things don’t go as we think they should. “But God, I trusted you. Why did you take my baby?” Sometimes, He asks us to trust even when it hurts. He asks us to cling to Him and trust that His ways are higher than our ways even when we don’t get to keep what we have longed for. Even to this day, I feel in my heart God calling me to trust Him. Looking back, if I had not trusted Him, I never would have had Luke. I never would have found out about my autoimmune disorder. I might have died! Even when life doesn’t go as we plan, He asks us to trust. And that is what I have truly gained from this whole experience. I have learned that sometimes we don’t get what we want and that’s ok. I have gained a new appreciation for Mary. She had to watch her son, Jesus, die for my sins. Her precious son willingly gave His life so that I can spend eternity with Him and my son. I have the hope of eternity. Heaven has new meaning when you have a child waiting on you there. In closing, I would encourage you that no matter what you are going through in this life, trust in God and His sovereignty. I, personally, am clinging to and trusting in His promise that “after [I] have suffered a little while, [He] will restore [me] and make [me] strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10 NIV). God will restore what has been broken. All He asks for is our trust. 

I am a cardiac nurse living in MS with my husband, Jason, and our dog, Lucy. I enjoy reading, working out, and watching Shark Tank with my husband. I attend Park Place Baptist Church.

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