A Song for My Soul: It is Well
Music has the ability to speak into the deepest recesses of our hearts. God often uses songs to speak hope and encouragement to our souls. In this series, Hope Moms share songs that have pointed them to the hope of Christ in the midst of their grief. Is there a song that has comforted you in your grief? We’d love to have you share your story here.
As I sit down to write this, the view out my window is dense woods and green leaves as far as the eye can see, shiny from the steady rain, with bits of pale sky peeking through the uppermost branches. I am comfortably seated inside this cozy cabin, a quiet getaway nestled deep in the mountains of eastern Tennessee. This two day retreat, away from internet, cell phone service, and the never-ending pace of a busy life, was a gift to my husband and me from dear friends following the death of our baby girl earlier this year. A much needed time to be away from everything, quiet with each other and the Lord, to rest and be refreshed.
I glance down at the pink beaded bracelet on my arm, engraved with the words, “let go, my soul.” These words are from the song “It Is Well” by Kristene DiMarco. This song has been so healing to my heart this past year. Perhaps you know it too?
One year ago we sat under the harsh, bright lights of an exam room and listened to the high-risk OB go through the list of everything that was wrong with our baby girl growing inside me. A week later we would receive confirmation of her fatal diagnosis.
I was 20 weeks along, and despite the doctor’s predictions of per-term labor, I would carry our darling girl to term. From the day we learn of her diagnosis to the day she was delivered, we had four and a half months to pray for her and beg God for a miracle. Miracles had been done before…why should we not ask for and expect one now? God is able, He could heal our daughter!
Grander earth has quaked before,
Moved by the sound of His voice.
Seas that are shaken and stirred,
Can be calmed and broken for my regard.
Belief for a miracle is hard, but we know the God who stilled the storm on the sea and raised the dead. Even so, doubts crept in telling me not to get my hopes up, that God could but wouldn’t heal our little girl, and mockingly questioned me, “Why do you think YOU should ask for a miracle? So many people don’t get the miracles they ask for….who do you think you are?”
But believe we did. We asked God for complete healing. In faith, we asked for His healing for our daughter, and I set up her bassinet believing I would bring her home and put her in it.
And far be it from me to not believe,
Even when my eyes can’t see.
And this mountain that’s in front of me,
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea.
Despite our small faith in the face of the impossible, we clung to Jesus’ words in Matthew 17:20:
“For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
The day of her birth, I lay on the narrow OR table, numbed from the spinal, and with my heart in my throat I waited for the moment they would pull her out through the incision in my abdomen. We heard her weak little cry but the look on my husband’s face told me everything—she was not healed. Alive, but not able to live.
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You.
And through it all, through it all
It is well.
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You,
And it is well with me
We did receive some miracles. The baby who was supposed to die in utero, who was supposed to come during pre-term labor, who was supposed to die within moments of her birth…she was born full-term, alive, and lived for seven days. We brought her home and for one night she slept in her bassinet.
And then her little body couldn’t hold on any longer and she slipped from us into the arms of Jesus. We know she is safe there, healed and whole, knowing only joy and peace. But we are left with broken hearts and empty arms.
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You.
And through it all, through it all
It is well.
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You,
And it is well,
It is well.
So how can I say the words, “It is well”, when our prayers were not answered as we believed and our baby has died?
The answer is in this line: “My eyes are on You.”
In utter desperation, from the moment of her diagnosis to the moment we knew she was safe in Jesus’ arms, I flung my entire being on Jesus. My only other choice was to close my heart to Him out of pain and anger, but I knew I desperately needed Him in order to weather this storm. And in that letting go, I found a depth of love, compassion, faithfulness, comfort, and nearness that I have never experienced before.
So let go my soul and trust in Him,
The waves and wind still know His name.
As I was having my devotions this morning during our weekend retreat, the Lord gently encouraged my heart with some verses that I want to share with you. To me, these speak less of the effort we make and more of the faithful character of God. Listen to the heart of God as you seek to trust Him with the heavy weight of loss you are bearing:
“Those who know your name trust in You
because You have not abandoned those who seek You.”
-Psalm 9:10
“The one who trusts in the Lord
will have faithful love surrounding him.
-Psalm 32:10
The person who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence indeed is the Lord, is blessed.
-Jeremiah 17:7
In her book GraceLaced, Ruth Chou Simons writes,
“And perhaps your path is not what you expected or hoped for. Mine isn’t either. But Proverbs tells us to wield our hearts to do what we know is true: In all our ways that feel reasonable, acknowledge that He is faithful. In all our ways that seem unreasonable, do the same. The straightness of the path has less to do with the ease of our travel than the direction of our true destination. When we believe and walk in the light of His trustworthiness, we can hardly miss finding Him to be so.” (emphasis added)
Dear friend, despite the storm of loss and pain, the wind and waves still know the name of Jesus. He has not changed and you can trust him with your broken heart. You can let go and lean fully on Him because in trusting in Him, it is well with our souls.
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You.
And through it all, through it all
It is well.
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You,
And it is well with me.
- Abigail
Hope Mom to Sarabeth Marie
Abigail is mama to her toddler daughter and to Sarabeth who went to be with Jesus seven days after her birth in January 2018. She and her husband Chad live in Berea, KY on the family farm where they raise cattle. In addition to being a stay-at-home-mom and teaching piano part-time, Abigail blogs on Facebook and Instagram at A Healing Gratitude where her desire is to share Sarabeth’s story in a way that highlights the goodness and love of God and how gratitude can lead to greater healing.
We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.
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