Confusion in Grief

There is nothing quite so jarring to our daily rhythms as loss. Whether it’s the news of a fatal diagnosis, an unexpected stillborn, or an out-of-the-blue miscarriage, our minds get stuck, shocked, and confused when they are asked to comprehend the death of our beloved babies. Even though we have lived in a fallen state our entire lives and expect a certain amount of death, when it actually strikes a loved one–our own flesh and blood–our minds and hearts are left disoriented.

In the early weeks after William’s passing, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Literally. 

My husband and I were displaced, living in my parent’s home. We had no jobs. Our future plans depended on a seven pound baby joining us, keeping us up all night, and dictating our daily schedules. And then, suddenly, our days were completely open—and we were lost.

I kept wondering “Where is the handbook on this? How do I do grief?” 

The ironic thing is, I am trained as a mental health counselor. One of my chosen electives in graduate school was “Grief and Loss”. I had even walked multiple clients through loss and major life changes. And yet, when it was my own loss to contend with, I had no idea how to do it. I knew I should know what to do, but all my training seemed to fly out the window.

Why is death so earth-shattering to us? Why does death create such havoc? Because “God set eternity in the human heart” (Ecc 3:11). 

In other words, we were not designed to live with death. 

So, beloved Hope Mom, if your loss has left you feeling lost–you are not going crazy. Your disorientation shows you are a human made for Eden, but living in a fallen world instead. The interruption of your familiar life declares that you haven’t made it to eternity, yet. The feeling of being off-course reveals your great need for One greater than you.

The good news is there is One who is fully dependable to navigate these stormy and uncertain waters for you. He knows you as a Good Shepherd knows His sheep, and knows how to guide you to safety. 

Take a look at the words Israel often clung to among their own confusion and tragedy:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling…God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Psalm 46:1-3, 5-7. 

When their world looked unfamiliar and the earth was thrown into chaos, Israel had confidence in God to be with them, and to be enough. 

God is with you, dear mama. We have left Eden, and are not in Paradise yet, but we are not left to fend for ourselves and find our way. He is the way. Look to Him each moment, each day. Share with him how different life is after loss, how shaky you feel, how nothing seems certain. And let His Word remind you over and over and over that even though all seems to be falling apart around you–He will not fail you. 

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

-Kelly

Kelly is the Ministry Support Lead for Hope Mommies. She and her husband Dan live in Brenham, TX with their two earthside children, Annabelle and Eli (and lots of pets). Their firstborn, William, went to Heaven in July 2017. To balance out the fullness of life, Kelly enjoys gardening, yoga, and sipping on some matcha while reading historical fiction. She considers herself beyond privileged to share the amazing news of Jesus’ Hope to all who need it, and loves that William gets to be a part of that message.