Cliche Comforts: “Time Heals All Wounds”

When loved ones see us in the depths of our pain, they want to give us hope to cling to. They often attempt to do so by offering us words they think may be comforting. One of the most common of these sayings is, “Time heals all wounds.” They expect to be planting seeds of hope for the future in our hearts, but most often those words hurt more than help. From my experience, this saying not only hurts but also rings untrue.

In the early days of grief after my daughter Ginny was stillborn, time seemed to be so hugely empty. It somehow felt loud how empty time was. What were we supposed to be doing? What do we normally do? Time seemed to slow down to a creep, and nothing was filling it. Minutes felt like hours. 

I guess it was due to how much pain we had. Time was standing still, and it felt like we would be in that spot forever. The future would not be full of days admiring Ginny, feeding, burping, changing diapers, giving baths. We would have an ocean of time in front of us. 

Friends sent puzzles and coloring books. Those things were all nice, but they didn’t actually fill the time. Your mind is still free to think while completing a puzzle or coloring a picture. I wanted something to occupy my mind so time would pass. In these moments, the comment “time heals all wounds” was not helpful. It felt like time was not moving; it felt like I would never experience healing. The excruciating minutes would linger and linger. If time was my only hope, that felt cruel. 

But thankfully time isn’t where our hope lies. Our hope is in Christ Jesus. He met us in our pain and presented us with true peace, peace that transcends understanding (Philippians 4:7). It is not by the passage of time, but “by His wounds we are healed” (1 Peter 2). We don’t have to wait. Even in the midst of our suffering, He offers us hope. 

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and what are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:11

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Now that I am nearly three years into my grief journey, the saying, “time heals all wounds” hurts in a different way. The most prominent waves of grief seem to crash into me during milestones that mark the passage of time. My heart breaks when we experience another holiday without Ginny, when I see her brother growing up without her by his side, or when we moved to a different town. Time moves forward and our family moves forward—all without her. That stings. I do all I can to remember her and make sure others remember her, but that doesn’t keep time from passing. Time isn’t healing, it’s inflicting pain. Sometimes I want to cling to my grief to feel closer to Ginny. I want to rewind to when I felt closest to her in my early grief. The idea of moving on hurts. 

But again, as time passes, we can find our hope in Jesus. As each year passes, we do not get further from our children who have died, we get closer to seeing them again in heaven. Our children are loved, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and never forgotten. We can have hope in that. 

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

“Because of the hope laid up for you in heaven. Of this you have heard before in the Word of the truth, the gospel,” Colossians 1:5

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

Aimee lives in Auburn, AL with her husband Daniel and son Chet. Aimee is Hope Mom to her beautiful daughter Ginny Hope who was stillborn February 26, 2019. She and Daniel are learning to trust God and move forward in their grief day by day. You can read more at her blog.

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