El Roi: The God Who Sees
Over the next several weeks we are going to look at how God acts as El Roi, The God Who Sees, through four different biblical mommas who experienced grief and sorrow. We will look at the lives of Hagar, Hannah, Naomi and Mary and see for ourselves how God was faithful to meet them in their pain and sorrow. As we study the testimonies of these four Biblical women, our prayer is that you would know in the depths of your heart that you are seen and heard, that you would feel loved and known.
Dear Momma,
I’ve never met you, and yet I feel like we’re kindred spirits. I’ve been praying for your grieving heart, that God would give me the words you need to hear. I’ve been asking Him to make His presence overwhelmingly known, so that your heart would feel cared for. My greatest desire is that you would feel seen and heard in the midst of your sorrow.
Like you, I’ve experienced the loss of something precious and sacred. I’ve carried eight babies beneath my heartbeat and I will only get to be a momma to three of those babies while on this earth. Some days this realization just brings me to my knees.
There are many days that I know without a doubt that God is healing my brokenness. I experience joy and I find myself hopeful about the future. And then, like a gust of unexpected wind on a seemingly calm day, grief blasts back in and sends me reeling. Anger takes up residence in my heart. The tears fall fresh. I am anchored to a weight of heavy hopelessness.
I find my grief triggered most often by the painful realization that life continues to spin madly on around me. A friend tells me she’s expecting a new baby while meeting for coffee. A baby shower invitation arrives in the mail. A gender reveal is posted to Facebook. While I recognize new life as a miracle and a wonderful gift, there are days that all things baby just serve as a poignant reminder of what I have lost and what I should be celebrating.
At the end of a Bible study I was attending, a precious momma announced a new pregnancy and her fears over losing this new baby. I excused myself and made it to the church bathroom just in time to lock myself in a stall and do the ugly cry. In that moment, I felt so incredibly broken. I was angry at God, and I felt utterly alone in my grief. As I sat on the bathroom floor with my knees tucked beneath my chin, I cried out to Him in a way I haven’t been able to do since the loss of my baby last fall.
“God, do you see me? Do you see how much I’m hurting? Do you see my babies? Did their little lives have meaning? This hurts God. I hurt God!”
And then, in the midst of the brokenness and surrender, I heard Him.
“Brittany, I see you and I AM holding your babies. I am El Roi, I AM the God who sees. I see how much you are hurting. I hear your cries. I have not forgotten. I AM near.”
Have you been here too, Momma? Have you had similar moments, days, or even months where you’ve wondered if anyone sees you in your grief? Have you wondered if God hears your cries and the prayers you’ve prayed, for restored joy and healing?
I felt drawn to know more about God, El Roi, the God Who Sees. Because the truth is, He does see you. He does hear you. But when you’re journeying through the messiness of sorrow and grief, your clarity of who God is can often become clouded and uncertain. The journey through grief is incredibly personal. Some days I grieve so deeply over the loss of my babies. I wonder if anyone sees just how much my heart is hurting. I have found such comfort in this core theological truth. God sees me. He sees you. Every one of your steps along this path of sorrow has been walked on holy ground because His eyes have never left you. God’s heart for you has never changed.
Please join me over the next few weeks as we look at the personal stories of fellow mommas, Hagar, Naomi, Hannah and Mary. My prayer is that through these Biblical testimonies, you too will see how God has acted as El Roi, the God Who Sees, through your personal stories of loss and healing and learn more about God’s character and His heart for us in the midst of grief.
My prayer is that this study would be balm to your soul and healing to your heart. Through the personal testimonies of these fellow mommas, I pray that you would find common ground. Thousands of years have passed since these women walked this earth, but God’s heart for us as women and as mothers remains the same. In pain and in sorrow, you can walk in hope, trusting that God, El Roi sees every tear. He knows the anger and bitterness over your loss. He knows of your anxious heart as you wrestle with the desire to grow your family again. Every thought has been known and every silent prayer has been heard. You are seen. You are known. You are deeply loved, Momma.
- Brittany
Hope Mom to five precious babies
Brittany and her husband, Jeremy live in Colorado with their three children Mackenzie, Levi, and Evelyn, their Black Lab Boston and a menagerie of bunnies! They have two Hope Babies, Finley Sky and Asher Simeon. Brittany is passionate about encouraging women to live authentically and abundantly. She is a writer at www.littlemountainmomma.com where she shares openly about her journey through postpartum depression and her experiences of pregnancy loss.
Photo credit: Pix-Elated Photography
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