Donesia’s Story
My husband and I have an inside joke whenever we hear somewhere say I love you, or even sometimes when we say I love you to each other. We say, “Love, love, love, love.” It’s as if we are asking what love really means. I think we often use the word “love” too casually, not really having a true understanding of the meaning of unconditional love. God’s unconditional and comforting love is a revelation of His true nature. And His healing can be understood more fully within the context of His love.
On December 18, 2016, my baby boy, Ethan, was born. I loved him from the day I knew he was in my womb. I delivered him three and a half months early. His birth was a miracle. He was delivered in his entire amniotic sac, so the birth itself didn’t cause any harm to his fragile, premature body.
There he was, my baby boy. He was so tiny, I couldn’t hold him or touch him, but I recognized him and loved him greatly. He resembled my oldest son. I was only able to see him from a far-off distance as the doctors and nurses treated him so he could survive outside my womb.
Even though I knew the medical professionals were nervous and concerned, they remained at ease and allowed me to touch him after his breathing equipment was hooked up. Then, he was swiftly taken to the NICU where he received further treatment.
Here we were again—another premature birth, an all too familiar experience that I had hoped would not happen again. Even through hearing the worst medical reports concerning our son as days went by, I still trusted and believed that he would be okay, that he would live, and I would hold him soon, growing and breathing on his own. But his health declined daily.
On the fifth day, the doctors asked me how far I lived from the hospital in case they had to call for an emergency. Ethan’s heart was weakening, and they were running out of medical treatments to give him to help him survive. I still did not waiver in my faith. I prayed, trusted God, spent hours by Ethan’s bedside, and believed he would survive.
The next day, we got that early emergency call. We rushed to the hospital, and the doctor reported that they had done all they could and asked me questions about resuscitation if his heart failed. Of course, we wanted them to do all they could for him.
I continued sitting at his bedside, pumping and storing milk, because I couldn’t give up. My husband and I prayed over him. On Christmas Eve, the sixth day, my oldest son was finally able to visit his baby brother. That was also the day that Ethan’s heart began to fail.
They resuscitated him, but it continued failing. They brought him over to me so I could finally hold him while he was still alive. For a few moments, his heart rate increased. The nurse told me that it was because he liked being held by me. He knew my touch. He knew my smell. He knew that I was his mom. A short while later, the nurse told me that his heart had stopped. My baby boy was with Jesus.
It’s amazing how through tragic times, hurts, and pains you can still experience the presence and love of God in your life.
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”
John 14:26
During this time, there was no one on this earth, no one in my life, that could comfort me and heal my hurts but the Holy Spirit. I would experience good things, but would not have any joy in them. My birthday came—no joy. I got a new car—no joy. But as I allowed the Holy Spirit to do all He had purposed to do in my life, healing came.
I looked to Jesus, not just to heal me physically, but to provide healing for my emotions. And He did. He healed my depression and anxiety, enabling me to hope, dream, and believe again.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:31
As I continued to cry out to God during my darkest moments and days, and not harden my heart towards Him, He renewed my hope and my belief in every promise written in His Word. I believe in the Word of God and desire to fulfill the call that God has on my life. I desire to encourage and support other women who have experienced the tragedy of losing a child.
Although I experienced a tragedy, I will not let my life be a tragedy. My life will be a testimony of how I am an overcomer. Through God, I will be unshakeable and immovable in my faith. I love the Lord, and He loves me so much more. I can honestly say that I rest in knowing that God’s love for me is unconditional. When I was broken, He healed my broken heart and restored my joy. Jesus is the answer to brokenness, hurt, fear, doubt, loneliness, and pain. His love is everlasting and endures forever. I rejoice in knowing that our baby boy, Ethan, is living an everlasting life in heaven, and I have received an unconditional love that never fails from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
- Donesia Peoples
Hope Mom to Ethan Lee Peoples
I am a Mom to Ethan Lee Peoples, born on 12/18/2016 who went to heaven on 12/24/2016, and to Destin Lamar Peoples who is soon to be 10 years old. I have been married to my husband, Greg, for 12 years. I enjoy spending time with my family, serving at my church, and most importantly drawing closer to God daily.
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