When You Have Been Hurt in Grief…
God’s Word speaks thoroughly and abundantly into every season of the heart. As we study His Word, we learn that within its pages are found the ultimate source of comfort and peace for the sufferer. In this series, we will seek to carefully and compassionately apply these ancient, scriptural truths to feelings and experiences that are common in grief.
It had been four weeks. Four weeks since the loss of my only son, Chance. Four weeks since I birthed and buried my tiny babe, and the one person I wanted so badly to acknowledge my loss and pain had not.
Not one word.
Not one text.
Not one acknowledgment of my child, who now lived with Jesus, in any form or fashion.
Not one, “I’m sorry,” or “How can I support you?” or a simple, “How are you holding up today?”
What felt like a blatant blow day-after-day-after-day gave way to frustration and, eventually, full-on anger. I felt hurt and betrayed and, in all honesty, righteous in my anger. I claimed my feelings of growing resentment were justified. As the resentment grew, I felt my mindset and demeanor slowly changing. And I didn’t like the feeling. I knew I needed to work toward forgiveness. I knew, deep down, that even in grief God longed to give me a heart of forgiveness. I knew His word speaks to each and every season. I turned to God’s Word to start the forgiveness process.
Mark 11:25 states, “Jesus said, ‘And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 continues this theme stating, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Just as in Christ, God forgave you.
I suddenly realized the irony of my stance. Each and everyday, I need forgiveness from my Savior. Each and everyday, I miss the mark in some way, shape, or form. There is no perfect person and thus no perfect response to life’s tragedies. Jesus gave His life on the cross for me, even in my weakness, just as He gave Himself for my silent family member.
Even in my sin and less-than-perfect state, Jesus died for me.
Jesus wipes my slate clean day after day, and I needed to offer my loved one this same practice.
Because of the gospel message to me and for me, I decided to choose grace over resentment.
In the devotional book “God’s Word of Life for Women,” Macia Hollis writes, “To receive a blow and to refuse to pass it on is an act that requires extraordinary generosity. For most people, it does not come naturally. . . We must become softer, gentler, more loving people, receiving a blow but unable by the fabric of our lives to transmit the force of it.”
I did not want to transmit the force of my blow.
With a lump in my throat, kneeling before the Father, I prayed, “Lord, thank You for the grace and forgiveness You offer me daily. Thank You for caring for my needs and sustaining me through this loss. Thank You for reminding me of the power of forgiveness, how much I need it, and how much my loved one needs it too. I hand this hurt to You, Lord, and I choose, right now, to start anew.”
Standing up again, a feeling of lightness returned that I had not felt for many weeks. I did not realize how deeply the choice to deny forgiveness was affecting my soul.
This process of trading my anger for forgiveness, and the prayer above, was one I had to practice and verbally pray over and over again in my grief. Not just with this one family member, but also with friends and even strangers in the community. God extends me mercies each morning, and He was allowing me to extend, multiple times, the same grace to others as I healed.
Friends, we have been reconciled to God through the death of Jesus! What freedom this gives us to walk freely toward reconciliation with the people in our lives who, just like us, sometimes miss the mark.
“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in God’s sight, without blemish and free from accusation.” Colossians 1:21-22
Thank you, Lord, for the gift of Scripture, your ancient words, that bring conviction, light, healing, and hope, even in our darkest days.
- Brittnie
Hope Mom to Baby A and Chance Michael
Brittnie lives in Sugar Land, Texas and enjoys writing on her blog and other outlets, baking, lingering coffee dates, and soaking in moments with her family. She is a wife to Brandon and a mom to Clara, Camille, and Hope Mom to Baby A (Clara’s twin) and Chance. Psalm 62:1-2 is her go to verse when she needs quick encouragement. She is author of Desert Song, and you can visit with Brittnie at her personal blog, A Joy Renewed, where she shares her faith and family, and encourages her readers to claim joy despite circumstance.
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