When the Tears Won’t Stop
God’s Word speaks thoroughly and abundantly into every season of the heart. As we study His Word, we learn that within its pages are found the ultimate source of comfort and peace for the sufferer. In this series, we will seek to carefully and compassionately apply these ancient, scriptural truths to feelings and experiences that are common in grief.
I remember being in the hospital, not knowing when I’d leave, but knowing that it would be without my baby. The numbness and anxiety were too tense; the tears barely came. Oh how I wished I could cry hard to release the tension. Each night—somehow—the darkness and stillness would allow them to release in small amounts. I was finally alone with my fears and grief, but this was only the beginning of learning how important tears would be in my suffering and healing after losing Anna.
After arriving home, I had a sense of relief despite the road ahead—relief that allowed me to feel deeply and cry harder than while I was in the hospital. These were the tears I needed to begin healing. In the shower, I would cry. Looking in the mirror at my belly, I would cry. Waking from dreams at night, I would cry. It was mostly just silent weeping, not obvious sobbing. Nonetheless, these tears were full of purpose and release.
Then, a few months later, came the deep wails from within that had been waiting to release. Anger set in, and circumstances became more difficult. My grief shifted, and the tears I needed now were more forceful and exaggerated. They led me into earnest prayer, asking the Lord to help me trust Him and to ease the pain.
Now, I cry occasionally thinking of Anna and our life without her. I even cry simply reflecting on those times while writing, because each point was so important to the journey God took me on in grief. My body can so easily remember the pain I was enduring then, and I can vividly recall how present He was in each moment. I wasn’t able to see it at the time, but His design to allow us to cry and weep is an important factor in grieving and healing in the way He intended us to.
I remember learning in nursing school that the baby’s first cry was the hardest breath they would take because it literally springs open the lung’s deepest cavities allowing them breathe on their own for the first time. I related to that in my grief. Oh how difficult it was to allow those first tears, but how important it was to let them flow so I could breathe again one day.
The Lord not only designed our tears to allow us our first breath on earth, but to express our emotions; our own and our empathy towards others. He designed us so that our tears literally release feel-good hormones in our brains that comfort us and soothe our physical and emotional pains. Sisters, our tears are so important to the Lord and to our healing in the midst of grief. His Word confirms this beautiful truth.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
Psalm 56:8 (NLT)
In David’s earnest pain, he remembered that God had yet to leave his side and more so, that He was so intimately involved in his suffering—counting every tear that dropped from his eyes. How poignant is that when you consider its full implications for us as God’s children? David didn’t know this at the time, but that same God would soon send His Son, the Redeemer, who would literally weep alongside us in order to feel the full weight of grief and pain that life on earth entails (John 11:35; Isaiah 53:3).
But why did the Lord choose to make our pathway to Him so unique and intimately personal as to give us a Savior who experienced all of what we would? Scripture reveals a few reasons why:
- So He could be the sympathetic High Priest He was promised to be (Hebrews 4:15-16) —a trustworthy resting place in all our troubles. This means not only that our God understands our sorrow, but that we can run to Him to find help in our time of need.
- Christ’s experience of our grief points mankind to a day when tears will literally be no more—when suffering and death will be abolished by the One who comforts us in the waiting. What Isaiah prophesied and John confirmed is that He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces” (Isaiah 25:8a; Revelation 21:4).
Thinking back to my stages of crying in early grief to the tears I experience now, it reminds me of how the Lord brings us full circle with how deeply He cares about our tears and the grief that causes them. His Word reveals that He created us, counts our tears, listens, sympathizes with us. And when He returns, He will wipe away our every tear for all of eternity. These truths are essential to grieving well and experiencing healing that endures. I encourage you to let the tears flow, and to let them serve as a constant reminder of how much your Savior cares about you and your baby.
Practical ways to remember how much the Lord cares about each cry for help and tear shed over your baby:
- Place salt in a small jar to keep nearby as a reminder of Psalm 56:8
- Visit www.BottleofTears.com for a similar visual reminder you can purchase
- Read/meditate/memorize the verses mentioned in this post as well as: Psalm 6:8, Psalm 42, Psalm 61:1-2, Psalm 77, Psalm 88, Psalm 119:50, Psalm 147, and Psalm 169
- Kayla
Hope Mom to Anna Joy
Kayla is married to Justin in sunny south Florida where they enjoy life together with friends & family. Kayla is a teacher at heart, nurse by profession, & lover of truth! She serves as a volunteer nurse at her local Care-Net & enjoys women’s ministry discipleship especially in the areas of grief, marriage, & infertility. You can follow more of her musings on grief here.
We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.
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