When Motherhood Doesn’t Feel Like It Should

Motherhood was always meant to be the most natural thing in the world. From the very beginning, it was part of God’s good design. The first recorded words God spoke to humanity were, “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). Before sin entered the world, before brokenness took root, motherhood was a part of Eden. It was meant to be life-giving, joyful, and full of purpose. And the first words spoken directly to Eve were wrapped in this calling to be a mother.

But for many of us, motherhood hasn’t looked or felt the way it was originally intended to be. When you lose a baby, something that once felt so natural suddenly feels confusing, painful, and disorienting. What was designed to bring life, now feels like death. What was supposed to bring joy, now brings sorrow. And instead of feeling like you’re living into your God-given identity as a mother, you may feel like you’ve failed. But this is not your failure. This is the Fall.

When Adam and Eve sinned, the curse of sin fractured everything. Including motherhood. God said to Eve, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children” (Genesis 3:16). And that pain has echoed throughout generations. Not just in the delivery room, but in every form of heartache surrounding motherhood. Miscarriage. Stillbirth. Infertility. Infection. Heart defects. Birth trauma. Genetic conditions. Accidents. SIDS. Causes never fully known. Longing. Emptiness. Silence.

The ache you feel is not because you’ve done something wrong. It’s because the world is not yet right. But the story doesn’t end there. Just a few verses later, Adam gives his wife a name: Eve, “the mother of all living” (Genesis 3:20). And it’s here, in the shadow of the curse, that we see the first hints of redemption. Life would still come. And ultimately, through the seed of the woman, through motherhood itself, redemption would enter the world. Jesus Christ, born of a woman, would come to crush the head of the serpent and undo the curse. Through Him, life would have the final word.

We now live in the in-between. After Jesus has conquered sin and death, but before all things are fully made new. Ruth Chou Simons explicitly describes this very tension as “the now and not yet”. As we long for what’s promised, God is purposely working in our painful present and He’s using it to shape us and draw us closer to Himself. And so, we live in the tension. We mourn what is broken and we rejoice in what is still beautiful. We carry both grief and hope. We wrestle with the ache of loss and the promise of restoration. We weep and we worship.

If motherhood feels heavy for you right now, you’re not alone. If it feels like something is off, you’re not wrong. Your heart is bearing witness to a world that groans for redemption. But hear this: You are not a failed mother. You are a fallen human in a fallen world, redeemed by a faithful God. And He does not hold your pain against you. He holds you in it. Even now, He is making all things new. One day, every wound will be healed. Every tear will be wiped away. Every longing will be satisfied.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more.

–Revelation 21:4

Until then, we live in the tension. We name what’s broken. We hold fast to what’s good. And we trust that Jesus is both merciful in our sorrow and mighty to redeem it. You are still part of the story, still seen, still called, still held, still a mother, and in Christ, your motherhood will one day be fully and finally restored to the beauty and wholeness God intended for it. 

Because He lives, I hope,
Jennie

Jennie is the Executive Director for Hope Mommies. She and her husband Brian live in Oregon and have four children together— Trenton, Paige who has been in Heaven with Jesus since 2010, Mason, and Cora. If you were to knock on her front door today, you’d find her in something comfortable drinking a hot cup of tea, while trying to figure out how to balance all the things that make up a life. She enjoys spending time in God’s word, fresh flowers, board games with her kids, cooking, and evening walks in her neighborhood. She adores being a new creation in Christ and prays she reflects Him well on this earth.