When Death Overtakes Someone You Love…
God’s Word speaks thoroughly and abundantly into every season of the heart. As we study His Word, we learn that within its pages are found the ultimate source of comfort and peace for the sufferer. In this series, we will seek to carefully and compassionately apply these ancient, scriptural truths to feelings and experiences that are common in grief.
Five years ago, I was laying in a bed in the emergency room, holding my precious daughter. She had ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Her cheeks were soft and her lips were pursed, as if she was singing. I could not stop staring at her. Yet, despite the wonder of taking in each precious detail of her perfectly formed frame, I was being crushed by the enormous weight of grief.
Death had overtaken my beautiful, little girl.
I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest while I longed with every fiber of my being to see her chest rise and fall. Beautiful as she was, death did not become her. It looked so wrong to see death resting on my baby. As I lay there, holding her lifeless body in my hand, my mind was flooded with an endless list of the memories we would never make together. I would never see her first smile, first step, or first day of school. Death had snatched it all away from me.
I was not aware of how much time was passing as I continued staring at my precious darling. It felt impossible to give her up. This would be the only time I ever laid eyes on her, touched her, held her hand in mine, and I wanted to take it all in over and over again. I hadn’t been granted this time with her brother who had died just the year before, so I knew how precious every minute of this time was.
I knew in my heart that she was no longer with me, not truly. This still, fragile frame was no longer her. What I held was only the shell of all that God had made her to be, yet it was all I had left on this side of eternity. How could I let go? With tears streaming down my cheeks, I ran my finger across hers continuously, all the while, knowing that the longer I held on, the more her body would be changed by death. What a torturous reality. My spirit groaned within me.
“And not only that, but we ourselves who have the Spirit as the firstfruits—we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.” Romans 8:23 (HCSB)
Never before did this Scripture resonate so deeply in my soul as when I beheld my daughter, overcome by death. How I longed for the redemption of her body. What I wouldn’t have given to see her eyes open as she let out a hungry cry. But that day is coming. Even as my spirit groans under the agony of missing her, and her brother in heaven, it rejoices with the promise that our separation is but momentary. One day, I will see her smile and hear her laugh. I will have all of eternity to get to know her fully.
“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like His glorious body, by the power that enables Him even to subject all things to Himself.” Philippians 3:20-21
What comfort for my weary heart. Though my daughter’s earthly body was broken, my Christ will transform her body to be like His own—glorious, immortal, eternal. She will be given a heavenly body. This is the extraordinary hope that I cling to: all those in Christ will be made new. Our dying bodies will be swallowed up in life (2 Corinthians 5:4). When I see my babies again, they will be full of life. All that death has taken will be restored. All that was wrong will be made right. Every ache of my heart will be undone.
One glorious day, either when Christ returns or I am called home to be with Him, I will see my babies again. Then we will together and forever worship our Almighty God. But I ought not wait until that day to devote myself fully to the praise of the King. Whether I am here in this broken, earthly body, or away from it with my Lord, my goal is to live as unto Him—a life pleasing in His sight (2 Corinthians 5:9). As I wait for the day when I am reunited with my babies and in the presence of the Lord at last, I will devote myself to the praise of His glory. With every breath of my groaning body, let me declare that He is worthy.
- Ashlee
Hope Mom to Simeon and Odelle
Ashlee is the Editorial Coordinator for Hope Mommies and author of I AM (Hope Mommies, 2017) and Identity (Hope Mommies, 2018). She and her husband, Jesse, live in Milwaukee with their children—five on earth and two in heaven.
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