The Gift of Thatcher

As we consider the profound impact that our Hope Babies have had on our lives, we can be filled with gratitude toward them, and toward the Lord. In this series, we reflect on some of the ways that we can say “thank you” to our precious babe(s) for the gifts that they have been and continue to be to us. We welcome you to contribute to this series by writing your own reflection on the impact your baby(ies) has had on your life and submitting it HERE.

My Dearest Thatcher,

It has been four years since I held your tiny body, kissed your precious head, and felt you take your last breath; four years of longing for your presence while imagining what you must be experiencing in heaven. Each birthday and holiday celebration reveals a void. There will always be an empty seat, an empty stocking, a missing person in every family photo.

The grief your death brought has often times been a crushing weight. There were weeks and months that are now absent from my memory as I struggled to survive each day without you. Your death broke me in ways I never imagined possible. It was in that brokenness, however, that I found such priceless gifts: the unimaginable and immeasurable love of the Father, a glimpse at His glory and sovereignty, and a new perspective on life.

From the moment I learned about you, I began praying for your life. Through tests, ultrasounds, bad news, and hopeful news we prayed. For the first time in my life, I felt the desperate need to talk to God every minute of every day. There was truly an intimacy in my prayer life that I had never experienced before—an intimacy that only comes from being completely undone and emptied. In His loving kindness, God demonstrated in an incredibly tangible way that prayer wasn’t about my needs and wants, but about bringing me close and changing my heart. He is still continuing the work He started in me through you by gently reshaping my life in the daily struggles of life without you. He is teaching me to lean on Him for every ounce of strength, press into Him with every struggle and question, and allow Him to be my source of love when I feel like I have nothing left to give. Thank you for bringing me to closer relationship with my Heavenly Father so that I could truly experience His promise to carry me through the darkest of valleys.

I initially didn’t understand why God planned your life to be so short (perhaps I will never fully understand on this side of heaven), but He has shown me that His ways are better. Regardless of the brevity, your life has had an incredible impact in furthering His kingdom. Thank you for giving me an incredible testimony of God’s goodness in spite of life’s circumstances. Because of you, I have the privilege of ministering to women and families that are hurting. I can now share Christ’s redeeming love with others when I speak of you now living in Heaven. I never once thought that I was strong enough or worthy enough for God to use for anything remarkable, but He has shown me otherwise. As I look back on the last four years at the doors He has opened and the people He has brought into my life, I can trace His hand in every detail. God is truly working everything—good and bad—for His glory. I now have a song to sing when I reflect on how He is making beauty from the ashes. 

Your life forever changed my entire being. Everything is different now. I love more deeply. I hurt more for the brokenhearted. I appreciate more what has been entrusted to me. I see life through a different lens now—one that is more heaven-focused. Things that I once thought mattered have been cut away, leaving room for me to be more intentional with my thoughts and time.

Through you, God challenged my every notion of who He truly is: His sovereignty, His compassion, His goodness. Your life and death caused me to search deeply for answers to the questions I had about the Father’s character and who He wants me to be. He revealed a portion of Himself to me in a way that I otherwise would not have been able to experience, and for that I am forever grateful.

I will love you always,

Mommy

Megan Kelley is married to Jake and the mother to seven babies. Her first child she lost to miscarriage in September of 2009. She then had two children, Hunter (7) and Preston (5). After Preston, she lost her next two to miscarriage in March and August of 2014. A month later, she found out she was pregnant with her son, Thatcher, who was diagnosed with Edwards Syndrome. He went to his heavenly home shortly after he was born on April 17, 2015. She was blessed with her latest addition, Abigail Quinn in July of 2017. She loves painting, gardening, cooking, reading, and playing with her kids at the park.

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