The Comfort of God’s Counsel

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was seven months pregnant with our second boy and we had been praying constantly for a miracle. Each appointment provided further evidence supporting his diagnosis, but we continued to pray for God to intervene. That night began like so many nights before. I prayed once again for God to spare my son’s life and drifted off to sleep.

This night, however, I had a vivid dream about Thatcher and his death. I awoke sweating and screaming, one of those guttural screams that only comes with deep anguish. In that moment I heard Satan whispering that it was okay to hate God, but I refused. I sat there in the stillness with tears streaming down my face and I felt my Savior next to me and it was if He wrapped His arm around me. He gently said to me, “No, Thatcher will not be healed on this side of heaven.” In those dark morning moments, He gave me the answer to my prayer I had laid before the throne for months. My heart was shattered, but Jesus knew that and I was assured on that night that He would remain by my side holding me up as my family walked this journey that God had planned.

“I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.”
Psalm 16:7

You may not have had this same experience, but God speaks to us in many ways. Sometimes it’s through dreams, sometimes through people around us, but He always speaks to us through Scripture and prayer. Our gracious heavenly Father has also given us an advocate, the Holy Spirit, through which He provides counsel.

Pope Francis said it well in an address to the audience at Saint Peter’s Square, “In our intimacy with God, and listening to His Word, we gradually leave aside our personal logic…and within us there matures a profound harmony with the Lord which leads us, in turn, to ask ourselves what His will is.” Through prayer and quiet time with our heavenly Father, we allow the Holy Spirit room to help us, whether it be guidance for the day ahead, or comfort in our despair.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you…Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but the steadfast love surrounds the one who trust in the LORD.”
-Psalm 32:8, 10

After our son’s death, I found myself retreating throughout each day to my closet. When my grief became overwhelming, I would escape to that quiet room and be with Him. I read devotionals, immersed myself in Scripture, poured out my heart and tears to heaven and found sanctuary. God was using this grief and these found moments of solitude to draw me in.

At night, when all was quiet, my mind would race again with all-consuming thoughts of missed moments with our sweet boy. I began to realize that I only gained peace in those moments when I prayed. I laid out my concerns and heartache before the LORD and He was faithful to comfort and encourage me.

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.”
-Psalm 40:1, 2

Sweet sister, as you grieve the loss of your precious child, find moments to be still before the LORD. Expose your deepest hurts to Him, listen, and wait. Wait expectantly for Him to meet you there and lift you up from your pit of despair.

Megan Kelley is married to Jake and the mother to seven babies. Her first child she lost to miscarriage in September of 2009. She then had two children, Hunter (7) and Preston (5). After Preston, she lost her next two to miscarriage in March and August of 2014. A month later, she found out she was pregnant with her son, Thatcher, who was diagnosed with Edwards Syndrome. He went to his heavenly home shortly after he was born on April 17, 2015. She was blessed with her latest addition, Abigail Quinn in July of 2017. She loves painting, gardening, cooking, reading, and playing with her kids at the park.

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