Sharing Your Hope Baby With Siblings

Each child gone ahead from among us is a precious person made in the image of God—and all having been made into Hope Moms, we together declare motherhood in each of our journeys. We are eager to go above and beyond in showing honor and love for one another (Rom. 12:10, 15). Through this series, we honor each other’s experiences of motherhood in love through our shared God of hope.

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“I have a brother. He’s five years old. He died in my mama’s tummy before it was time for him to come out. He doesn’t live with us, but he is alive. He is in heaven!” 

I stood in silence, staring at my daughter from across the room. She had just retold the story of her brother who, when she was only 15 months old, was stillborn. My gaze moved from my daughter to the shell-shocked Chick-fil-A employee who, from what I could tell, didn’t know whether to smile or cry. While I didn’t hear the initial dialogue, I imagine she had asked my daughter, “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Little did she know she would get more than a simple “yes” or “no.”

You see, we have talked about Chance since the day we learned he went to be with Jesus. Our two living daughters attended his memorial service. We spoke to the girls about heaven and its realness, showed them pictures of their brother, and said his name out loud with them often. We still do. On his due date, several months later, we visited his gravesite as a family. Several months after that, at Christmas, we hung a special ornament on the tree to remember our boy.

From the minute he left us, we decided to keep his memory alive in our home. Our daughters know that on April 4 of each year, we all wear blue and celebrate his birthday with dessert, balloons, and a special dinner. If the weather is nice, we visit the cemetery, take pictures, and talk about the hope of Jesus. 

We made the choice to share Chance with our girls, and goodness are we thankful that we did. They have no question as to whether or not they have a brother, and they are confident of his whereabouts. Our youngest, who is now six (the one who shared our story with the Chick-fil-A employee), asks often about heaven and Jesus and specifics of how she will find her brother someday. Sharing Chance with our girls has taken a bit of the scariness out of death and dying. They don’t fear death because they know this life isn’t the end of the story. What a gift. What fruit from the pain of our loss. What a blessing that has come from sharing Chance with his sisters. 

And while there is no one right way to walk this road, what I am learning as I watch my girls share their brother with the world is this: our living children are living out our legacy of healing and hope. Children have the ability and capacity to share Jesus and the hope of heaven on their own, as the Spirit guides them. Children are listening to us, dear sisters. Our living children are watching and absorbing and learning from where we, their parents, put our hope, even as they see our tears. 

It’s okay for our living children to see our hurt, because in the hurt they can also see the hope, which ultimately points them to Jesus. And it is this same hope that will sustain them when, as they age, they themselves walk through seasons of pain, suffering, loss, or disappointment. They will remember how their Hope Mama walked her own season of sorrow and exemplified hope, day-in-and-day-out. And in their own way and time, they will continue to pass on the fruit harvested from the pruning.  

“May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
“Romans 15:13 

Reflection Questions:

• Have you shared your Hope Baby with your living children?
• If no, what might be holding you back?
• If yes, what does this look like for your family?
• What gifts have come as a result of this choice?

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Brittnie lives in Sugar Land, Texas and enjoys writing on her blog and other outlets, baking, lingering coffee dates, and soaking in moments with her family. She is a wife to Brandon and a mom to Clara, Camille, and Hope Mom to Baby A (Clara’s twin) and Chance. Psalm 62:1-2 is her go to verse when she needs quick encouragement. She is author of Desert Song, and you can visit with Brittnie at her personal blog, A Joy Renewed, where she shares her faith and family, and encourages her readers to claim joy despite circumstance.

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