Raegan’s Story

“I had a textbook pregnancy. It was my first pregnancy, and I enjoyed every second of it.  We didn’t find out the gender because we wanted it to be a surprise.  I chose to use a midwife for my prenatal care and delivery.  It was always my dream to have a completely natural birth in water at a birth center.  I went into early labor on my due date which was May 8^th at about 11 pm.  This was when the contractions first woke me up.  They weren’t bad, so I just tried to get as much sleep as possible.  When my husband woke up to go to work, I told him that I’d been having contractions all night so we decided for him to just stay home. 

I had an appointment with my midwife that morning, so we went to the appointment and I was dilated to a 2.  The midwife encouraged us to get a hotel room since we were about an hour away from home.  The pains became worse throughout the rest of the day, and at about 6 pm, we decided to go back to the birth clinic to get checked again.  I was at a 5 by this point, so the midwife said we could stay at the clinic.  She said we’d probably have a baby by 8 or 9 pm.  After being admitted, I was able to get into the bathtub which felt great!

The midwife monitored the baby’s heartbeat several times and each time it was perfect.  Until the one time when she checked and couldn’t find it.  This is when everything becomes surreal to me.  I was immediately pulled out of the tub and put onto the bed.  She tried to find the heartbeat again, and this time was able to find it.  It sounded strong, but it was slower than it had been.  They called an ambulance, and within 10 minutes, we were on the way to the hospital which was about 3 miles away. 

Upon arriving at the hospital, they put a fetal monitor on the baby’s head and the heartbeat was still slower than it should be.  I was rushed into the operating room and put under general anesthesia.  I just knew that when I woke up, my baby would be okay.  However, when I came to, my husband was there beside my bed to tell me the news.  My baby was dead.  I asked what we had, and he told me a little girl.  I had my Ada Faye.  They brought her in to me, and I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was.    

 The decision to have a natural birth has haunted me ever since Ada’s birth. 

Would this have happened if I had went to a doctor?
Would they have scheduled me to me induced before I reached 40 weeks?
Would this have saved Ada’s life?
They would have had me hooked up to constant fetal monitoring, would we have seen that Ada was struggling sooner than we did?

There have been so many “what ifs” that have crossed my mind in the past few weeks.  The feeling that I failed my baby is the worst possible feeling.  However, God had this planned before I ever became pregnant.  It says in Psalm 139:16, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them”.  My life and Ada’s life were planned by God.  No matter what I could have done, this was how our story was meant to be.  Oh, but how hard this is to accept! This is where great faith is important when following God.  We have to believe what it says in Jeremiah 29:11, “He has a plan to prosper us and not to harm us, a plan to give us hope and a future”.  Ada’s life was no accident.  She was planned by God for this very purpose, and my husband and I were meant to be her parents.

Even in the midst of our sorrows, God is faithful.  He showed His love for us and comforted us through the multitude of people who surrounded us during this time.  We have been in awe of the support shown by our church, family and friends.  There would have been no way I could have made it through this time without all of their support.  God does indeed provide in times of need.

In trying to find peace the last few weeks, I have grown closer in my walk than I have ever been.  I have come to accept the truth that God is good.  He knowingly gave His son to die for the world’s sin.  He knows my pain because He also lost His child.  As humans, we could not have made such a selfless decision.  John 16:33 has been one of the most comforting verses for me in these days – “In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world”.  Because of God’s selflessness, we are guaranteed eternity with our baby girl! 

My outlook on dying and Heaven has changed.  Instead of fearing it, I look forward to serving God so that I can spend eternity in Heaven and be with Ada forever.  In 2 Samuel, when David’s child dies, he say’s “why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me”.  Praise the Lord that we have this promise.

I share her story so that people will know my daughter even though she only lived for a brief time on this earth, and so that they will know that she was not a mistake or a tragedy, but she had a bigger purpose than I could have ever imagined for her.  Ada Faye Armstrong was born on May 9^th 2016.  Though we don’t understand, I know God has a plan to use her to touch others and bring them to know Him.  Already, people have donated to missions in her name.  Her life had meaning. She has already changed my life, and she will continue changing lives from now on.”

Raegan A,
Hope Mom to Ada Faye

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