Jen’s Story

I still remember when we announced we were pregnant. We were so excited and blessed to be pregnant with our third child on earth. This would be our fifth time being pregnant. In between our two living children, Addison and Austen, we had lost two babies in a row—10 weeks with the first and 5 weeks with the second. We had experienced losses, so we knew how blessed we were to be pregnant again. My whole pregnancy was going so well. I decided not to do the genetic testing, so instead we were scheduled for an ultrasound. I was 21 weeks. We were so nervous, but our nerves quickly went away when we found out our baby was just perfect. Our baby was growing on schedule and, more importantly, was healthy.

The cramping started two days later, and that was Thanksgiving. I didn’t think much of it. I did some stretching to see if maybe the baby was in a weird position. The day came and went, and I was still having those pains. I still wasn’t overly nervous because it was mainly discomfort, not pain. My husband told me everything was fine; the baby was fine.

I ended up calling the doctor that Saturday, and he asked me if I thought I could be having contractions. I thought: What? No way. Shouldn’t I be in more pain?

I decided to wait it out—until I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. With some convincing, my husband finally said it was time to go to the hospital to ease my mind. Never in a million years did I think I would enter the hospital pregnant, but not leave pregnant.

I checked into the hospital at around 4:00pm, and right when I got into a room they hooked me up to the monitors. I got to hear my baby’s heartbeat. The nurse assured me that the baby was healthy, and the heart rate was right where they wanted it. I was having contractions, but I was convinced that they could be stopped. I felt much better.

The doctor was due to come in to check on me around 7:00pm. My husband and I watched Christmas movies that were on TV. The time had come; my doctor came in to check on me. Then, I felt like the world stood still. He proceeded to tell me that I was already dilated to four centimeters. I was going to deliver my baby that night, and my baby would not survive. My husband and I looked at each other and just froze.

It was in that exact moment that a new nurse was coming on to her shift. Her name was Audree, and she was a provision from God. Audree was there for us in so many tender ways throughout the long night.

Not only was I just given the worst news of my life, but I was also told I had to let my body continue to go into labor naturally. The next couple of hours were a blur. My husband and I had to make decisions that we never thought we would have to make about our child because labor could not be stopped. I look back and I can remember every moment—especially how my baby was still moving inside of me. That was hard to process; my baby was absolutely fine. I was told that I had an infection in my uterine wall, which was why my body was going into labor. Later we found out that wasn’t the reason. Right after midnight on December 1, it was time for my baby to be delivered; we didn’t know what gender we were having.

Jayden Christopher was a beautiful baby boy. I was so scared, until he was born. I prayed for God to let him breathe. Audree handed him to me, and I prayed for him to breathe. I could feel God’s presence with me after he was born—even though I confess that I was so angry at Him, and sad.

It has been three long years without Jayden. My emotions have been up and down too many times to count. I have struggled since losing Jayden, to find a way to be closer to God. I found Hope Mommies right when I was in my darkest place. A good friend had suggested the blog of a mom she followed who lost a baby and sent me the link. I saw that she had mentioned Hope Mommies, and I reached out right away. I was so thankful to receive a message back. Finally, for once, I didn’t feel like I was all alone.

Since then, I have made it my mission to continue to share Jayden’s story. I am blessed to have been connected with so many other Hope Moms. Perhaps, for every Hope Mom I have met, Jayden has met that mom’s child(ren).

I know God has always been there with His hand on my shoulder, saying He is with me. I also know that it is His “righteous hand” that supports me.

“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

I live in Lake in the Hills, IL where I enjoy my part time job as a preschool teacher, and I run my own business.  I am wife to Jason for 14 years and mom to three amazing children, Addison, Austen, and Jayden who lives in heaven. I love my morning coffee while listening to my favorite devotional.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. Every Saturday we feature a Hope Mom’s story in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.