Crystal’s Story

In the emergency room I looked at the sonogram screen and couldn’t really see Adalynn Grace. I just thought the equipment wasn’t the best there since it was the ER. A few hours before I had a gush of fluid and didn’t expect to be told it was my water that had broken at 20 weeks.

Unfortunately, we had trouble with this pregnancy even before it started. My husband and I had prayed for 3 years to add this beautiful life to our family of three. We were over the moon to find out that we had been blessed again with another little girl. My oldest daughter was more than excited to find out she would be a big sister.

At the start of this pregnancy I knew it would be a rough road. I had started spotting at about 7 weeks. I had to go to the doctor before my initial maternity exam due to the bleeding. We found out that my progesterone was low and that I had a sub chorionic hemorrhage. I was reassured that these were things we could monitor and take care of but of course there was a risk we would not make it to term. The weeks went by and the bleeding continued but Adalynn continued to grow and thrive. I returned to the office quite frequently to be examined due to bleeding and concern for Adalynn. At 17 weeks we had another full ultrasound and were able to find out she was growing. Everything seemed to be going well. The bleeding was explained to me; it could just be something normal, as the hemorrhage had appeared to resolve. I was told to take it easy and continue as normal. At my 19-week appointment we were delivered another blow. We were told that this could be a chronic abruption to my placenta and this is why the bleeding continued even though the hemorrhage appeared to resolve. I would have to see a high-risk OB in a few weeks and would more than likely be on bed rest until Adalynn arrived. We were surprisingly okay with this news. I think it may have been because we had gone so many weeks wondering why I continued to have bleeding and if Adalynn would be okay. We had prayed with our church family regularly that this pregnancy would be successful and they had known our struggle to get this far.

I was awoken one night as most pregnant women are to use the facilities. It was then that I felt that dreadful gush. I called the OB in a panic and was told to go to the ER right away. I didn’t expect to be told that I lost her amniotic fluid—and that it was pretty much all of that life- and lung-supporting fluid. We were devastated. My body had failed me. We were in the hospital five days. Each day I prayed and hoped that we would be given better news. Unfortunately, it was just too early for Adalynn to have a chance. Without the amniotic fluid her lungs would not develop properly. The nurses and doctors shared their own personal stories of loss or things they had seen. They continued to reassure me that it wasn’t my fault. That sometimes there is no explanation as to why a child is lost so early or even born still. I still weep when I think about these moments. I know there was nothing more I could have done for my sweet daughter. I was nervous about the delivery and was not sure what to expect her to look like. I had seen babies as a nurse that were premature but not this premature.

All of that apprehension faded away when she was born. We were blessed to be able to spend several hours with her. We were able to hold her, talk to her, and share her with our family. It was a beautiful experience. The nurses were amazing and dressed her in tiny clothes and even gave her a tiny teddy bear. The way the staff handled this heartbreaking chapter of our lives was a gracious gift of God to us.

I am comforted knowing that my baby is in the arms of the Lord and she will never know the pain of this world. I was drawn to the verse Hebrews 4:16, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” He has granted me so much grace during this painful time, and I am comforted that one day I will hold my daughter again. She is now surrounded by the love of the Almighty and all of the joy of our heavenly family—all giving me hope for my eternal home.

Crystal is a wife, Mom, and RN. She enjoys camping and spending time with her family. She supports her church family by assisting with the service visual presentation and prayer group. I lost my second daughter in September of 2017. She is and continues to be an inspiration for me to support other mommies who have lost a child too soon.