Love One Another: His Story

It was a typical weekend filled with family activities in late September 2009. Chelsea was 36 weeks pregnant with Chase and we were both trying to keep up with his three big sisters—Kendyll (7), Carlie (5) and Abby Kate (2.5). The long hot Texas summer was nearly behind us. We were in the homestretch of this fourth pregnancy, and simply ready for this new era as a family of six to begin. We completed all of the typical “night before church” routines—baths, hair-drying, and story time, and announced to the girls that we were going to see a live Broadway style performance of Mary Poppins after church the next day. We finally got in bed ourselves, and as usual, Chase kicked me in the back as I laid next to Chelsea, which was his way of saying good night to me.  It is now a vivid memory of a somewhat normal evening that I will never forget.

The following day, Chelsea’s motherly instinct, after experiencing three previous healthy and uneventful pregnancies, told her something wasn’t right. When we got to the emergency room and the sonogram didn’t produce the sound of the heartbeat we were so used to hearing, I was immediately overwhelmed, broke into a cold sweat, and rushed to a nearby bathroom, feeling physically sick and weak. Nothing prepares you for the pain and intensity of that moment when tragedy strikes.

After a few moments, the sheer physical reaction of losing our son subsided, and I was thankfully able to be back at Chelsea’s side. At that point, shock and a numbness to my own emotions took over, along with a whole lot of strength from God, and made it possible for me to focus on my responsibility as a husband and a dad. A million questions and concerns were racing through my mind. 

I was concerned that Chelsea would somehow blame herself for this happening. I was immediately concerned about her physical health. We were discussing logistics of decisions to be made and my mind was swirling with the impact of each one. Chelsea and I were both concerned about our older three daughters, who were so excited to welcome their new baby brother home. How would this impact their view of God in the future?

With each of our questions and concerns, God responded with comfort and details that only He could arrange. The weeks that followed losing our son, Chase, were filled with incredible stories of friends, family, and co-workers flooding us with support, encouragement, and prayer. This outpouring gave Chelsea and I quiet moments together that truly shaped the eight years that have followed since. And, in those quiet moments, Chelsea found anchor in the one place she knew mattered most, and consumed herself with truth from God’s Word. In fact, the very next morning, after receiving the news that would forever change us, she woke early after a fitful hour or two of sleep, to begin this journey of grief with the Lord. 

She opened her Bible, and before she began to read, she read her daily devotional email for the day. It was focused on what to do when you face suffering. This was not a coincidence, and she still speaks of “her email from God”, which shaped the way she grieved from that moment on. It challenged her to look up toward the Lord for her help, and to ask, “What do You have for me in this?” rather than look in and say, “Why me?” 

This may not sound like a story of how my spouse loved me well, but it was. In that moment, Chelsea decided to set her eyes on the One who could bring true healing, which in turn affected our entire family and the way we grieved. As we began experiencing His healing in miraculous ways, we prayed that He would never let normal, status-quo life ever set in again. And from this prayer, we both committed in our own personal walks to not allow our grief to be self-consuming, but instead, focus externally on how we could glorify Him throughout.

Ultimately, as we surrendered our pain for His good, we loved each other more fiercely than ever before through the strength He provided, even as we grieved the loss of a child in very different ways.

Although she could have, Chelsea didn’t try to find healing from her imperfect husband, children, siblings, friends, or any worldly sources. She bravely trusted God to deliver on His promises and carry her through this time of pain. And as a result of her willingness to walk with God in the valley, almost instantly, opportunities for her to share with other women about her own journey began presenting themselves.

I have watched her bravely use her own grieving and the truth she knows about her redeeming Father, to minister to those who are spiraling in a sea of hopelessness. Whether it’s for one grieving mom, or an entire congregation or women’s seminar, she boldly tells of her grief journey, that came not from her own strength, but from her Father who leads her.

I have had a front row seat to watch her write heartfelt emails to moms she may not even know, who have recently lost a child, sharing any sections of Scripture, verses from worship songs, or books that have helped her grieve while honoring her God. I have watched her bravely speak in front of crowds, when her comfort level was telling her differently. In every way since we lost Chase, everything she has done has left a lasting legacy for Chase and our entire family. And, in that way, she has loved me, and our children, so very well.

When my shock and numbness wore off, and the reality of losing Chase set in, I had my breakdown tear-filled moments as well, and Chelsea was always there to shed a tear alongside me as the physical heartache of living with loss can sometimes be overwhelming. She loved me through this by understanding that we grieve at different times in different ways, and didn’t expect my grief to look exactly like hers.

She loved me through this by being brave enough to share about our son with others, even when it hurt to do so, and leaving a lasting legacy for him. She loved me through this by setting the ultimate example for our girls of how to deal with life when it is doesn’t go as planned. And, she loved me through this, as she looked up, with open hands, and asked of the Lord, “What do you have for me now?” She pursued God’s best for us and our entire family is blessed because of it.

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Mark’s day job is in the pharmaceutical industry, but he considers his other jobs as husband, daddy, and co-founder of His Chase Foundation to be where his true treasure is found. Father to four children on earth, and one son in heaven, Mark is thankful for the opportunities God has given him to bring hope and life to others because of the story the Lord has written in his life. You can learn more about the Jacobs’ family-run organization at www.hischase.org.

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