Lollipops of Grace
The nature of infant loss occurring in 1 out of 4 pregnancies, means that there are new women joining our community on a weekly basis. Over the next few weeks, we want to repost some of our earliest blog articles to encourage the dear mommas that have recently joined the ministry and community of Hope Mommies. Although these posts may have been written many years ago, the truths they contain remain the same. God is enough. He has always been enough. And as we place our hope in Him, we will find that He is our anchor in the midst of this storm of grief.
Summertime makes me think of popsicles and lollipops, playing in sprinklers, and waving sparklers in a July 4th parade. (I honestly can’t remember if my childhood was so iconic; it’s more likely that my memories are supplemented with clips from the movie, The Sandlot.)
But, all that to say, Lollipops make me think of a lesson the Lord taught me several years ago. It was a good reminder for me, and one I wanted to share with you. I hope it’s an encouragement to you as you take joy in your own “lollipops” of grace!
It was one of those amazingly starry nights, with warm summer wind and good friends. My neighbor, Anne, had an iPod app that you can point at the stars and it identifies constellations, so we found Hercules and Corona Borealis! Gwen’s star is in between the two, by Hercules’ nose. It was a fun moment to see her star, and I was thankful that the constellations were visible from my front yard, at a normal stargazing time of night.
Soon after I, came in the house and caught up on the events of the day while brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed. I found out that good friends of ours were pregnant, and immediately my heart failed. It’s not that I wasn’t happy for them; I was just unhappy for me. I find in my aching soul this petulant child, comparing my own undeserved graces with that of another’s. I have greedy eyes that hunger for another person’s “lollipop” while ignorantly clenching my own.
And the honest fact was that I was still childless when the majority of my friends were not. But all of the good in my life is undeserved. Would my heart be more content if I truly grasped the real state of my soul in all it’s poverty and wretchedness knowing that I’m still loved, chosen, cleansed, clothed, and fed by Grace?
As a Hope Mom, it’s difficult to see people not appreciate or love their living children. You genuinely hope that people will love their children more because of your story, because not every Mom gets the chance to kiss her baby goodnight. And when you meet with an ungrateful, selfish mom, it’s as if they’re intentionally stabbing you, saying, “Ha! You don’t have your child, but I have mine. and I can treat him or her however I want, and you losing Gwen doesn’t affect me at all.”
This morning, as I prayed through my “longing for her lollipop” attitude and reflected on how I want others to be better women because of Gwen, I started envisioning all of the rest of the world and their wounds.
Does the orphaned child get frustrated with those who have parents, yet complain about and disregard them?
Do those in poor health, whose bodies are failing and hurting at every moment, become embittered at the carelessly healthy people around them?
Do the unmarried or brokenly married men and women begrudge the healthy marriages around them, praying that they would not take them for granted?
Do the women who are unable to conceive at all have a difficult time with teenagers (and the whole world) being pregnant?
Do the abused cringe when they see movies that mock, downplay, or validate violence?
Are we not all constantly longing for those around us to enjoy their own lollipops, because not everyone has that particular grace? And if I could combine all of these wounds—the longings and absences of good-into one character, I would find the character of every person, of myself: poor, blind, deaf, mute, ugly, crippled, unloved, abused, forgotten, dead.
And then: Grace!
Grace—the undeserved favor of God—descended in the person of Jesus, who died and rose again so that He could redeem all of that in me and make me who I am now in Christ: rich, hearing, seeing, understanding, healthy, beautiful, whole, loved, clothed, redeemed, delighted in, alive.
Lord, thank you for taking what is dark, terrible, and dead in me and making it alive, light, and beautiful in Christ. Thank you for the lollipops of grace that You’ve given to me. Forgive me for having a discontent, envious spirit; create in me a new heart, O God, and renew Your steadfast spirit in me. Restore to me the Joy of your salvation, and uphold me by your Spirit.
This post originally appeared on the Hope Mommies blog on June 18, 2013
- Erin
Hope Mom to Gwendolyn and Baby Cush
Erin Cushman is the founder of Hope Mommies. She is married to Blair and has four children: Gwendolyn, who has been with Jesus since October 20, 2010, Malacai, who is three, Gemma, born in June 2015, and Baby Cush. She loves photography, gardening, cooking, reading, playing with her children, and especially loves when all those things combine.
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