Hope Dads: Shepherd Your Family

“Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands;
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots around your table.
Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.”
-Psalm 128:1-4

Dads, this Psalm was directed at you and me.  Every time I read this passage, I want to say YES PLEASE!  This is the family life that we all want, a family that is flourishing! This is what we want for our family when we celebrate Fathers Day, when we go out in public, when we are on vacation… and this is what we want for our family when we go through deep sorrow.    

 Being called “father” is an incredible honor, because that is the same title that God has given Himself.  With such a high title comes a very large responsibility.  Sharing in this title with God mean that your wife and children should see God reflected in your life.   When you start to think about your role as a husband and father, it should cause you to tremble as you begin to understand the weight of this responsibility. This is no easy task.  But as you display God through your life, your family will start to look like this Psalm 128 family.

I remember the second time we miscarried.  Shortly after being told that our baby’s heart no longer beating, I was sitting on the couch with my wife, and we were in tears.  It was right around noon, and later on that day my wife and I (and some really great youth leaders) were supposed to take 30 high schoolers on a winter retreat.  In that moment I had no idea how to represent God to my wife.  She had just found out that she had lost her second child and I was asking her to invest in students that same weekend.  I felt crushed under the weight of that responsibility.  In that moment all I could do was cry out to God and ask for help.

A lot of times this is what it feels like to share a title with God.  With the weight of it all, we could choose to shut down.  We don’t know what to do, so we don’t do anything.  But, if we choose to simply shut down under the pressure, we are stepping away from the picture in Psalm 128.  Fortunately, we are not left empty handed.   Not only does this Psalm describe a family that is flourishing, it also tells us how to succeed in our role as fathers.   

The first step of becoming a good father is to “fear God.”  If we are going to reflect our Heavenly Father to our wives and children we need to fear God above Every. Other. Thing.  Why? Because God created you, knows you, loves you, and sent His Son to die for you. And even though He knows your deepest darkest secrets, He still asks you to share in His title.  We don’t deserve this title, but God still bestows it on us, and we want to do our best to reflect Him through it.  We will not be able to succeed as fathers unless we fear God properly.  This means we must care more about what God thinks of our life than what our buddies from our softball team think of us.  We can’t go looking to the world to understand fatherhood, we have to look to God.  We fear God because He is the greatest being. He has asked you to represent Him to the world in your role as father. While this can be scary, it is also a huge honor

That leads us to the second part of this command, “walk in His ways.”  We need to know God’s commands for us as husbands, fathers, Christians, neighbors, and co-workers.  We can only know God’s commands by being in God’s Word and being a part of God’s community.  We ought to turn to God’s Word, because we need to know God’s ways in order to reflect Him to those around us.   On our own we cannot do this!  Our only success is in God!

The second statement that Psalms 128 makes is “you shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands.”  This is drawing from the agricultural theme again by looking at the farmer.  A farmer who works hard for his crops is able to eat of them. What you sow is what you are going to get.  If you shut down under pressure then your family will shut down..  But if you work hard at cultivating a godly family and portraying an accurate picture of God the Father, your family will bear fruit.  To those of you who do not have children living here on earth, that does not mean you are not a father.  And it doesn’t mean that you cannot reflect God’s fatherhood to others.  In fact, the way you choose to respond to your devastating loss can reveal God’s heart as a father to those around you. 

That’s it dads.  This is what we are called to do.  If you desire a family that looks like the picture we see in Psalm 128 then you need to fear God and work hard.   So what does that look like?  Especially in times of turmoil and sorrow, how do we fear God and work hard? How do we cultivate a family that looks like Psalm 128? 

We have to look at the example of fatherhood that God has demonstrated for us.

Be Steadfast

God is Steadfast. He is our anchor even in the most difficult of times.  

“We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf…”
-Hebrews 6:19-20

We, too, must be steadfast.  The more we look to God as our anchor, believing in His promise to work all things out for His glory and our good, the more we will be able to persevere through the trials of this life.  In times of turmoil and in times of joy we are an anchor for our wives and children when we are anchored to God.  Dad, your family needs you to be steadfast.  In this way, you are pointing your family back to their Heavenly Father.

Be Soft

A lot of times as men we interpret “steadfastness” to mean that we shouldn’t show our emotions or else they’ll get in the way.  We think, “I need to be strong, so I am going to be hard.”  But that is not the case.  While we do need to be strong for our families, it doesn’t mean that we become hard. 

As we grow in our understanding of God, we start to understand that God is tender towards His children (Luke 1:78-79) and sympathizes with us (Hebrews 4:14-16).   God is not a distant God, but a God who is soft toward the brokenhearted and who draws near to us in our sorrow.  The Bible even tells of a time when Jesus wept for a friend. 

This means even as we are steadfast, we still need to be soft.  We need to feel the pain, or joy, or sadness of our wives and children.  We need to sympathize and rejoice with them.  As we walk through life being tender, we are demonstrating God’s tenderness towards His children.

Dads, this means that even if you are not feeling the same things as you wife or children you need to get yourself to a place where you can feel with them.  Do the hard work of getting your heart to feel what they are.  Do not stay distant.  Come near in caring tenderness for your family.  This will reflect God’s care for them.     

Be Diligent

Finally, we must be diligent.  Our role as fathers is not easy.  Sharing this title with God and being called to display His character towards our families is a heavy responsibility.  But all too often, we grow discouraged, burn out, and quit trying to reflect God. 

God is always working on our behalf.

“For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”
-Philippians 2:13

Why? Because God is diligent.  If we are going to be reflecting God to our families we also must be diligent. 

This means we need to grow and change when God points out sin in our lives.  It means we follow through with what we say we are going to do.   It means that even when we feel like we’re stuck or lost, we cry out for help and then we continue to move.  It means that even when we don’t make the right decision, we learn from our mistakes, keep trying, and press on.   

Dads, be diligent at cultivating your own soul. 
Be diligent at knowing and loving your wife.
Be diligent at loving and remembering your children both on earth and in heaven.
Be diligent in looking like your Heavenly Father.

On this Fathers Day, remember that being a father is a high and honorable calling.  You are called to reflect your Heavenly Father.  Take a look at your family.  Does it look like Psalm 128?  Take a look at your life. Are you fearing God and walking in His ways?  Are you working hard for the fruit God has laid before you?  Don’t just take this Fathers Day as a time to eat what you want, but rather take some time to reflect and grow.   Set some goals for how you can better reflect God in your fatherhood.  And as you mirror God the Father, you will shepherd your family well.  This, Dad, is a great blessing!

Jesse Schmidt is the Pastor of Student Ministries and Outreach at Harvest Bible Chapel in Loves Park, Illinois. Jesse and his wife Ashlee, have four children on earth: Jayden, Micah, Elian, and Isaiah, and two little ones in Heaven: Simeon, and Odelle.