Finding God in the Valley

Pain. Deep, deep pain. We all experience pain on many different levels. The pain of losing a child is crippling, and the truth is that most are adding this immense pain to the previous trials, failures, hurts, and wounds we had before we ever lost a child.

We experience many types of hurt. Some of us had poor childhoods, not knowing the true love of a parent. Some of us have experienced abuse in different forms. We’ve experienced heartache and sorrow. We have insecurities. We live in a broken world with broken hearts. Losing a child can add on so many emotions to the already fragile ones we have.

Before I knew I would have to say goodbye—for now—to my daughter, Dylan, I was a sad soul. On the outside, I was a vibrant, joyful believer. The inside of my heart, however, was a different story. Through insecurity, frustration, and never truly accepting the Father’s love for me, I was a walking mess. Losing my daughter only affirmed to me the negative thoughts I believed about myself. There were so many lies swirling in my head.

You’re not good enough! 
God really doesn’t love you, can’t you see?!
You are a bad person, that’s why you lost her.

I struggled to feel God’s love. I knew God, but didn’t recognize His presence in my life. I wasn’t just carrying the pain of losing Dylan, I carried the pain of losing her on top of the pain of a broken life prior to my loss. As I walked through this valley, I questioned what I believed. Did God really have my best interest in mind? Did He truly have a heart for me?

So I stepped out in faith and desperation. I wanted to know if God really did love me. I dove into the Word, I prayed, and I put my heart into seeking Him. I began to experience a feeling of closeness with God. He showed me grace, and He showed me His love. He truly carried me through one of the darkest points of my life. I found His love. I felt it. I received it.  All the pain from my past—every little thing—was exchanged for freedom and peace in Christ. God moved in my life.

Today I am speaking to those who know their pain didn’t just start at losing a child. To those whose are battling the lies from the enemy. To those who feel like God has left them because of the deep amount of pain they have experienced. Every journey is different.

You might be at a point where you are craving God.  You might be begging Him to help you with the pain you are dealing with, wondering, “Where are You in all of this?” You might be at a place of peace, knowing how God truly does work all things for our good! I only wish I knew God’s true and perfect love for me back then.

This is for those whose hope is small. For those who are crying out, “God, how can you love me and still allow this pain in my life?”  I want to tell you to keep on.

Keep on seeking Him.
Keep on crying out to Him.
Keep on praying.
Keep on.

Jeremiah 29:13 says,”You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Keep on seeking Him, momma. The enemy waits in the wings to whisper doubts in your ear. He prowls around like a lion, looking for the right moment to discourage the wounded believer. If you are discouraged, run to Jesus. Don’t run to what this world can offer, but turn to the One who truly loves you. Receive His blessings, and know that you are loved.

Sara is married to Wesley and they have three wild and crazy boys: Van, Madden, and Kingston, as well as their precious and beautiful daughter in heaven, Dylan Layne (January 6, 2009).

Sara enjoys quiet time in the Word, photography, running, strength training, and adventure. She has been a part of Hope Mommies since the first retreat and believes the community of Hope Mommies is a wonderful place to find encouragement, hope, and healing.

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