Evie’s Story
August 28, 2019.
The day my life changed. Again.
This was the day I was the first to know a new person existed. The day I knew I was a mommy again. It only took a moment for me to register the results on the pregnancy test and have so many thoughts flash through my head. “I’m having a baby! Who will this child be? Boy or girl? Blond hair or brown? Blue eyes or brown eyes? Your sisters will be so excited to know you’re on your way! Your daddy will be so proud!” I was bubbling after telling Peter and blurted out, “Let’s tell the family!” I’d felt very private in announcing our pregnancies before, but it was just the opposite this time. I wanted our family to know and to celebrate.
At seven weeks I started spotting. I hadn’t even made my first prenatal appointment yet. My midwives had me keep them informed, but as the bleeding worsened they had me go in for an ultrasound. I was so scared. But then Peter and I saw our baby on the screen, heart beating and measuring the right size. The technician said there was no indication of miscarriage that she could tell. Going back for a checkup the next week, I was congratulated by my midwives that I was having a baby. It bothered me that they had chosen to wait until my pregnancy was considered “viable” to congratulate me. In my appointment, I shared my concern that I was still bleeding. Wasn’t there anything that could help? They sent me home and told me it was simply a waiting game.
I worried. I’d never worried like this before in my life. I was so scared for my child. I felt protective and helpless at the same time. My bleeding was getting worse every day. I reached out to friends and family for prayer. I was spending wakeful nights in prayer. One night, as I was lying awake, Psalm 23 flooded my thoughts all at once, and the Lord revealed this beloved Psalm to me in a new light:
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”
-Psalm 23:4
I felt my Shepherd’s protection encompass me like a father protects his child. I remember thinking that “the valley of the shadow of death” wasn’t a place were people were dying like I always imagined it to be, but it was referring to life on earth. The promise that He would always be with me through this valley was like a blanket over me, and I fell asleep in that comfort.
At around eight weeks my bleeding became heavier. One of my friends prayed with me and asked if I was on progesterone. I wasn’t doing any of my own research because that’s bad for my mental state. I went in to get my baby’s heartbeat checked. It was strong and normal. When I asked my midwife if I could start taking progesterone, her reply was, “Oh yeah, that might help your bleeding.” After starting on progesterone, my bleeding all but stopped.
A couple days later I woke up to a gush of blood. Peter and I went in to the ultrasound room and heard the words, “I’m so sorry. There’s no heart beat.” In the comfort of our home that night, we held our baby. He was the size of my fingernail with little fingers of his own. So tiny with so much detail. I just looked at those tiny hands, trying to take in what would be the only time in my lifetime that I would lay eyes on my son. Then Peter and I did what every parent would consider to be their worst nightmare—we buried our child.
His name came to us like a gift. Theo Covenant: God-given promise.
The days and weeks and months that followed the loss of our son would have been unbearable, had we not been held by Jesus. Two weeks after our miscarriage, we had a flood in our house, another health scare, and, of all things, our mailbox broken into. We felt spiritually attacked from all sides. One day, as I was sitting on the toilet, still bleeding, another verse flooded my mind. “For everything there is a season…” I couldn’t remember the rest of it so I looked it up.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
This beautiful passage keeps going, but I stoped reading there. The image of me dancing one day with my boy fully grown flashed into my mind. Eternity is going to be more than we ever dreamed or imagined.
You guys, let me admit something to you. I’m not a prophetic thinker. I tend to hold myself in reserve when sharing my inner thoughts about what God is speaking to me about. But something shifted as I was walking through this valley. I’ve never been so vividly ministered to by the Holy Spirit before—times where I know my thoughts aren’t my thoughts, and many times when an old memory verse would flood my mind out of nowhere. Praise Jesus!
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
-Romans 8:26
I entered 2020 with a lot of pain, a lot of questions, and a fatigue that left me feeling unable to even pick up my Bible, even though I wanted to. This really bothered me and made me feel like a weak vessel for God. But as we walked through that year of milestones—the six month pregnancy mark, Theo’s due date, his birthday—I realized that God was even speaking to my heart through the verses that were all over my house. Friends and family poured love into us through meals and gifts at just the right time. The Holy Spirit made Himself known and real to me in the most personal ways. What a gift all those nights were. At the time I didn’t understand, but now I treasure all the times He “showed up” for me.
“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”
-Psalm 27:13-14
Theo’s life has blessed our family in so many ways. Our oldest, Norah, came to Jesus last year after walking her own journey of grief, with one of the questions being, “Why didn’t my baby brother live?” My husband has been on his own personal journey of growing closer to Jesus while missing his son. As a family, we have had a year that all of us would describe as being really, really hard, but also really, really joy-filled.
It’s true. Our son’s life has added to our ministry to each other and to others around us. We live with the hymn Great is Thy Faithfulness close to our hearts.
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
- Evie
Hope Mom to Theo Covenant
Hello from Palmer, Alaska! My name is Evie Opheim. I married my first love at 18, and all I ever dreamed of was having a family and living life with them. We both grew up in California, but moved to Alaska seven years ago. I have two beautiful girls, Norah (6) and Hermione (3), and am Hope Mom to my son, Theo. I am a full time homemaker and homeschool my girls. I love creating with my hands and dabble in art, woodwork, photography, and interior decorating. I also sell houseplants on the side, grown with the ever changing Alaskan sun! I love my God, and everything I do is to Him and for Him.
Are you a writer who would like to join the blog team? Learn more and apply here.
Got something to say?