Empty Holidays; Hopeful Holidays

I remember my first Thanksgiving without my daughter. She had only been gone a few weeks, and I physically ached with missing her. A casual comment before the meal began: “We’re all here…” and the silence as that comment sunk in sent me out door, on a long walk through a drizzling rain, arguing, praying and crying out to the Lord.

Holidays are how we mark family growth. Pictures, memories, meals, chaos — when you think back on childhood, don’t most of your poignant memories surround the holidays? As a parent, we dream of turkey handprint paintings, introducing our child to the scrumptiousness of  heirloom recipes, and capturing that iconic family photograph that we keep framed for years.

As a Hope Mom or Dad, the first round of holidays is always the worst. Their absence is tangible to you, and you wonder how you can eat and be merry while your heart is bleeding out. It’s always difficult to know how to honor your baby in the holiday season – do you put up a stocking? Do you take a family photo — with our without a special item or photograph of them? Do you talk about him or her?

My story is by no means the “ideal” — all grief journeys are unique, just as each Hope Baby and family are unique.  But I want to share what my husband and I do to honor our Gwenny in special ways during this season:

1) Pumpkins are a visible reminder of Gwendolyn to us. We had gone to a pumpkin patch a few days before her birth, and my belly was twice the size of a normal pumpkin (yes, really.) We keep pumpkins on our mantle until Thanksgiving festivities are over.

2) When we list what we’re grateful for, Gwendolyn is always on our list. We talk about her to her younger brother, and are not shy about bringing her up with others.

3) As I begin to set out Christmas decorations, I hang a stocking for her right up there with the rest of ours. Each year I have written her a letter for Christmas, and keep them stuffed in her stocking.

4) I add a new ornament each year that is special for her. This year will be our Hope Mommies ornament (read about that below!)

5) I take a poinsettia to grave. Quite honestly, it’s still difficult to visit her headstone, but as I go I remember, “One day this will all be undone…”

I know that it’s easy to be wounded by others at tender seasons, like holidays and birthdays. It’s easy to think that others have forgotten. They haven’t — they just don’t know what to say. And if they say nothing, be “slow to anger” (James 1:19). Its your job as the parent to remember and to honor your Hope Baby. Genuinely honor — not to shove the loss and ache in the face of others, but to lovingly remember them.

As we look ahead toward Christmas, we’re reminded that Christ’s arrival inaugurated the hope that had been promised all throughout Israel’s history, from the first moment that sin entered the garden of Eden. God had promised a Redeemer – and He arrived in a manger. God had promised salvation for the broken – our Healer had come. Christmas is a season of Hope, because it revolves around Christ, who is our hope (1 Timothy 1:1). And what is that hope? That broken humanity can be redeemed. That the perfect and almighty Creator will restore His rebellious children and give them a new and clean heart. That one Day, we will be united with Him together with all who believe, including our babies.

May this season mark a turning point in your life as you turn to Christ, our perfect hope.

Hope Mommies wanted to give hope families and friends something to hang on their tree this year in honor of a loved one. Our 2014 Christmas ornaments are a limited supply, so get yours while you can! For a donation of $15 we’ll ship one to you or a friend. Get your ornament before they run out!

But in the spirit of giving – let’s do a giveaway for 5 Christmas ornaments!

a Rafflecopter giveaway