Discussions in Grief: Suffering

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series. 

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I don’t know the circumstances surrounding your sorrow. Whether your loss occurred many years ago or very recently, the ache you carry in your heart is agonizing. There is nothing that can prepare you for the devastation of losing a child, and there are no words that can take away the pain that results. 

The suffering you have experienced is great indeed. Your dreams of watching your child grow, of delighting in their achievements, of comforting them through disappointments, and of sharing your life with them have been shattered. Instead of getting the opportunity to post first day of school pictures, all you have is an ultrasound picture on the mantel. Instead of trying to figure out how you will pay for college, you are left paying off a pile of medical bills and funeral expenses. Instead of sleepless nights comforting a crying baby, you stare into an empty nursery.

Perhaps, as you watch other women due around the same time as you bring home their babies, the emptiness of your own arms seems to be magnified. And it just doesn’t seem fair. 

Maybe, the first holiday without your precious baby has left you hardly able to breathe. Will that empty chair ever be a less paralyzing site? Will you ever be able to settle into this new normal? Is it possible to ever experience joy again? 

Or perhaps you are suffering in silence. No one knew you were pregnant, so it seems uncomfortable to let them know of the loss you experienced. Maybe you are afraid to talk about your loss because you feel like it was your fault. Or you think others just wouldn’t understand. 

Dear one, there are no easy answers or quick fixes for this suffering you are enduring. But, I do know that while you may feel battered, bruised, and broken by this storm of grief, the Word of God can soothe the emptiness you carry in your arms and fortify you with the strength to remain standing even when the weight of your suffering seems to be pressing in on every side. 

“My soul melts away for sorrow;
strengthen me according to Your Word!”
-Psalm 119:28

“God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.”
-Psalm 46:1

“O Lord, be gracious to us; we wait for You.
Be our arm every morning,
our salvation in the time of trouble.”
-Isaiah 33:2

On the days when it seems like God has asked more of you than you want to give—than you feel capable of giving—will you choose to echo the words of Peter in John 6:68?

“Lord, where else could I go? It is YOU that hold the words of eternal life.”

It is only in Christ that every cry of your aching heart is answered.

I am broken
I hold everything together. (Colossians. 1:17)

I am weary
Come to Me. I will give you rest. (Matthew. 11:28)

I am hurting
I am near to the brokenhearted and will bind up your wounds. (Psalm. 147:3)

I am weak
I will uphold you when you are falling. You will not be shaken. (Psalm. 145: 14, Psalm. 16:8)

In the midst of this suffering He is gently beckoning you closer as He asks,
“Will you trust me with this heartbreaking sorrow?”

Sweet sister, you can. 

You can trust that He gives hope and can heal every heart that is broken because He was acquainted with the deepest of sorrows Himself (Isaiah 53:3). He has been there. He can lead you through this pain, because He has felt it too. Jesus was called “a man of sorrows.”

As you spend time each day in His Wordyou can be confident that it will strengthen and comfort you, help you hold fast to the Lord, and moment by moment transform your heart with the truth that He is good and His ways are best. Because when Jesus entered His darkest hour, He prayed for you to be sanctified by the truth of His Word (John 17:17). In the midst of His own suffering, His heart was looking ahead to you.

So, as you are living in this paradigm—where the days and months take you further away from your little ones even while they bring you closer to eternity with them—remind your heart that Jesus has invited you to take His yoke upon yourself. He has promised to shoulder your burdens as you walk through this sorrow connected to Him.

You can trust Him, because death lost its sting when He conquered the grave. And as you wait and long for your eternal rest, and the glorious reunion with your baby, you can do so with confidence in His unfathomable goodness because He is making all things new, and He has promised, “Behold, I am coming soon” (Revelation 22:12).

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Ashlee is the Editorial Coordinator for Hope Mommies and author of I AM (Hope Mommies, 2017) and Identity (Hope Mommies, 2018). She and her husband, Jesse, live in Milwaukee with their children—five on earth and two in heaven.

Are you a writer who would like to join the blog team? Learn more and apply here.

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