Discussions in Grief: New Normal
Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.
Normal.
I love that word. I didn’t always use to love it. That word use to be…well…normal to me. But that was before having devastating ultrasounds and inconclusive tests with my hope baby that showed abnormal results. So, yeah, normal became one of my favorite words in subsequent pregnancies.
But “new normal”, that term is not as endearing. New normal implies that nothing will ever be the same again. Life is permanently altered, and adjustments will have to be made. New normal stings.
In almost every conversation I have with a Hope Mom, “new normal” comes up. It’s a term that’s often laced with bitterness and pronounced sorrow over what might have been. While I’m in complete agreement that new normal isn’t what anyone wanted to sign-up for, there are some benefits, some unexpected joy, to new normal.
New normal is a reminder that life isn’t over. We keep going. We can’t change our past, but we have a present, and we have a future. We refuse to be stuck in sorrow, but forge ahead in confidence of God’s provision. Our new normal is a testimony of the hope we have in Christ. There is more God has for us to do on this earth, and we choose to be faithful in completing our work as ambassadors for Him.
“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 1:6 (NIV)
“Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”
Philippians 3:16 (NIV)
New normal starts with new.
Most people are fans of the word new. It’s fresh. It comes with possibility. New things can be challenging, but they can be exciting. It depends on our attitude. Each day is a new day that we can begin with pessimism or praise. If we choose pessimism, we set ourselves up for failure. Our day starts in the dumps and ends in the dumps. If we choose praise, we direct our focus higher, beyond ourselves, and into the realm of God’s glory. We have been given the gift of a new perspective and a new outlook on heaven.
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)
“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in Him.”
Psalm 40:3 (NIV)
New normal requires change. We are not the same women we were before losing our hope babies. We’ve changed. We are now stronger, and hopefully, more deeply rooted in our faith. As Christians, we are a testament that our hope is not rooted in our circumstances, but in our Savior. We have a new platform to share Jesus with others, and a new longing for heaven like never before. Our loss has given us greater empathy for others, keen awareness of hurt, and a deeper appreciation for our family and friends. These are all positive changes—light shining through darkness.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)
“He will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”
Isaiah 51:3, 11 (NIV)
But what if you’re having trouble jumping into new normal? What if you just feel stuck? Life is still going on around you, and you just can’t seem to go along with it. How do you adjust to a new normal?
PRAYER:
You ask God for help. For some, this may seem simple, but for others, this may be very difficult. You might not be on speaking terms with God right now. You might be having a hard time trusting Him, and letting Him back into your life. And that’s ok. God says the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we can’t find the words ourselves (Romans 8:26). Prayer is just opening up communication between you and God. The relationship may need restoring, but you realize your desperate need for Him. God is the only One who can heal your hurt.
SCRIPTURE:
God’s Word guides us into our new normal. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened my Bible, completely broken, only to find the encouragement and hope I needed to keep going. God orchestrated His Word, from the beginning, to breathe life into us. The Bible reminds us of truth and silences Satan’s lies. Writing Scripture down where you can glance at it daily and commit it to memory helps equip you to begin your new normal.
SUPPORT:
We all need people we can turn to, people we can count on to help us in our new normal. These are people that come alongside us in our grief and journey with us to healing. Sometimes we try to shoulder our pain alone. We don’t want to expose our hurt and vulnerability to others. But we were not made to be alone. We were created to enjoy fellowship with others, to encourage each other. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It could be from family, friends, a local church, or a Christian counselor. There are people that God has uniquely qualified to minister to you, so let them fulfill their purpose.
PRAISE:
This is probably the last thing you feel like doing when your pain is so raw. But here’s the thing—we are not called to praise our circumstances but the One who is with us in all circumstances. God’s character does not change when our circumstances change. He always remains the same. We experience His comfort on a whole new level after the loss of a child. He covers our hearts with peace and the assurance that we will see our precious hope babies again. Embracing our new normal with gratefulness is an act of praise. It’s our acknowledgment of God’s sovereignty and faith in His provision for us.
I can praise God for my salvation.
I can praise Him because my daughter is being kept for me in heaven.
I can praise God for how He loves on me through others.
I can praise Him because He’s redeemed my sorrow.
I can praise God because Christ has defeated death, and this earth is not my home.
Sweet momma, I know you wish things could have been normal and not new normal. But I can say with absolute confidence that God will use you, and your precious hope baby’s story for His glory as you go forth in your new normal.
- Stephanie
Hope Mom to Kinley
Stephanie Blanks is an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. She is married to Matt and has four children: Lyston (7), Kinley (who went home to Jesus in 2011), Levi (4), and Leighton (2). Stephanie enjoys singing in her church praise band, running, reading, and spending time with her family.
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