Discussions in Grief: Loneliness

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series. 

It was late at night and everyone had grown tired from the anticipation and excitement of the Passover celebration. They trudged on as their Teacher led them to the grove of olive trees called Gesthsemane. His heart was filled with anguish and sorrow as He considered all that was about to take place.

“Then He said to them, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.’ And going a little farther, He fell on his face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.’ And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And He said to Peter, ‘So, could you not watch with Me one hour?’”
Matthew 26:38-40

In my mind, I see the fully-human Jesus, trembling as He walked deeper into the garden with His closest friends. He petitioned them to stay awake and returned, still gripped with grief, to find them sleeping. He must have felt incredibly lonely in those moments. His friends were unable to comprehend the gravity of the situation, and let Jesus down over and over again that night.

Loneliness is a common, if not guaranteed, feeling in the midst of grief. It can be defined as a “subjective negative feeling when one’s social relationships are deficient” or a “feeling or state of isolation or disconnectedness.” Grief is an all-encompassing emotion that can change your health (mental, physical, and emotional), your perspective, and your relationships. When a sudden change occurs in your life that upsets you at your very core, it can leave you feeling isolated from the ones that we love the most. 

Perhaps you can relate to the loneliness Jesus felt. Maybe in your darkest hours, days, and weeks, your friends and family seemed insensitive to the deep grief that was threatening to swallow you up. Sometimes friends don’t know what to say or how to act, so they just keep their distance. Sometimes a family member forgets to mention your baby’s name at a special event. Sometimes people forget to call and check on you when you are at your lowest. Sometimes your emotions can be so intense that you feel the need to isolate yourself from others. It’s important to understand that we can’t find our fulfillment from others. You won’t always know what you need, and others won’t always live up to your expectations. There is, however, someone that is fully aware of your hurt and understands completely those feelings of loneliness—Jesus.

“I am overcome with joy because of Your unfailing love, for You have seen my troubles, and You care about the anguish of my soul.”
Psalm 31:7

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.”
Psalm 56:8

He promises to walk beside you when it seems as though all others have deserted you.

There were many days that I felt utterly alone. My husband didn’t even always seem to understand the depth of my sorrow. On the darkest of days, I spent hours in my closet reading Scripture, and pouring my heart out to God. I never left that closet feeling alone. He met me there in my deep sadness, and lifted my head.

“I prayed to the LORD, and He answered me, freeing me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. I cried out to the LORD in my suffering, and He heard me. He set me free from all my fears.”
Psalm 34:4-6

God not only met me in my solitude, but He also put people in my path to encourage me. I forged new friendships with moms who had also lost children. They were better able to understand my highs and lows, and could fully empathize with the hardships I experienced in my grief. These relationships were invaluable in my grieving process.

Sweet sister, do you feel alone? In this moment, I encourage you to surrender your loneliness to the Father. Tell Him your hurts and wants. Only He can provide you with the true companionship you need to fill that void. Once you allow Him to enter into your grief and loneliness, He can begin to fill you with a joy and peace that only He can provide.

Megan Kelley is married to Jake and the mother to seven babies. Her first child she lost to miscarriage in September of 2009. She then had two children, Hunter (7) and Preston (5). After Preston, she lost her next two to miscarriage in March and August of 2014. A month later, she found out she was pregnant with her son, Thatcher, who was diagnosed with Edwards Syndrome. He went to his heavenly home shortly after he was born on April 17, 2015. She was blessed with her latest addition, Abigail Quinn in July of 2017. She loves painting, gardening, cooking, reading, and playing with her kids at the park.

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