Discussions in Grief: Hiding

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series. 

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“You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance.”
-Psalm 32:7

We walked toward the car, heads hung low, hand in hand. We had just learned that our baby, at 20 weeks gestation, was no longer breathing and after two hours speaking with a high-risk doctor and geneticist to determine next steps, it was time to face the world.

It was a bright, sunny day in April. But as I stepped foot out of the hospital into the parking lot all I saw was dark sky and black clouds. The storm inside my head and heart began to brew. And I knew this would not be a storm easily weathered.

How in the world did this happen?

How do we tell our family? Our friends?

What I am supposed to do now?

I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to crawl into bed and pull the covers high in hopes that when I woke, the storm would be over and my hurt healed. And that’s exactly what my husband and I did. We drove home in silence, crawled into bed, pulled the covers up, and wept.

We stayed there for many hours, unable to move.

But here’s the thing, eventually we had to emerge. Not that this felt natural. But I knew, at some point we had to pull the covers down and physically sit up, put our feet on the floor, and begin to walk.

Because we needed more than self-preservation or an escape from reality. Retreating forever would only give strength to the storm’s force. We needed Jesus to be our safe place. We needed to live out Psalm 91:4 which states, “He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge, His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” If God was for us, not even this storm could be against us.

. . .

Hiding is a common reaction to loss, and there are many ways this escape plays out in our lives. Do any of these sound familiar, sweet sister?

You look for ways to hide your hurt — camouflaging your emotions — so that others can’t see what you’re really feeling.

Or maybe you hide away from others, because the pressure of having to respond to questions or maintain relationships seems overwhelming.

Perhaps you find yourself avoiding being around people because you are afraid of how you will react or in what ways certain circumstances or conversations might trigger your grief.

Maybe you are isolating yourself behind other comforts such as online shopping or a bag of Cheetos or Netflix binges.

Friends, this is not the way Jesus intended us to live. He did not create us for isolation. Running alone or running towards a temporary fix only intensifies Satan’s scheme to win us over. Satan is well aware of our vulnerability and will distract us with ways that seem a bit more safe.

“For He will hide me in His shelter
in the day of trouble;
He will conceal me under the cover of His tent;
He will lift me high upon a rock.”
-Psalm 27:5

“You are my hiding place and my shield;
 I hope in your word.”
-Psalm 119:114

Jesus is our only safe hiding place. We see this truth time and time again in Scripture. Jesus is the only one with the power to calm the storm. He is our Rock. He is The Great I AM. It is His voice and His voice alone that causes winds to cease and rain clouds to lessen. If we want to emerge bigger and better and stronger and more confident than before, we must purposefully nestle our way under His wings.

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.”
-Psalm 57:1

Turn your ear to His gentle whisper of hope and peace and joy everlasting. He stands ready to shield and protect. He can handle your hurts.

And He is calling your name.

How has God been a hiding place for you in the midst of your sorrow?

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Brittnie lives in Sugar Land, Texas and enjoys writing on her blog and other outlets, baking, lingering coffee dates, and soaking in moments with her family. She is a wife to Brandon and a mom to Clara, Camille, and Hope Mom to Baby A (Clara’s twin) and Chance. Psalm 62:1-2 is her go to verse when she needs quick encouragement. She is author of Desert Song, and you can visit with Brittnie at her personal blog, A Joy Renewed, where she shares her faith and family, and encourages her readers to claim joy despite circumstance.

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