Discussions in Grief: Tears

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series. 

Tears are a natural part of the grieving process. They are an outward expression of internal pain, anxiety, sadness, stress and frustration. They can come on suddenly while making a meal, talking to friends, or sitting alone in the stillness of night.

For me, it came on when I was driving down the road where my children couldn’t see my face, at church worshiping, or at the sound of a newborn’s cry. They seemed to flow freely and my cheeks seemed to be permanently stained with the tracks they left behind. I didn’t want the world to see just how broken I was, or how much I really hurt. The more I tried to hide them, however, the more frequent they became. I felt like my eyes, heart and soul needed a rest, but my body needed just the opposite.

Did you know, sweet sister, that Our Father, in all His glorious wisdom designed us to cry? There is scientific evidence that emotional tears, the tears we shed when experiencing immense joy, sorrow, anxiety, stress, and many other emotions, contain hormones (unlike other types of tears) that then get excreted from our body. Studies have also suggested that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural pain killer. Isn’t that amazing?! God gave us an amazing coping mechanism to help our bodies release the physiological aspects of grief.

Society has conditioned us to hide our grief and most certainly hide our tears. I even tried to hide them inside the walls of my own home. I didn’t want my living children to know how my sorrow seemed to consume me. My heart physically hurt. But over the first two months, I began to realize that hiding my tears devalued my grief and therefore seemed to minimize the love I had for my son. I was ultimately not teaching my children about the true value of life. My children needed to know their brother’s life mattered and that it’s okay to cry through the hard stuff that enters our lives. Unlike what society teaches, God has given us full permission to express our emotions through tears and cast our cares onto Him.

“My friends scorn me, but I pour out my tears to God.” -Job 16:20

“I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes…The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD accepts my prayer.” -Psalm 6:6-7, 9

“The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry…When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:15, 17-18

God desires for us to press deeply into Him through our sorrow. Through the brokenness and shed tears that He draws us closer to Himself. He indeed hears each cry and knows the pain behind each tear. Though the floodgate of tears may seem to be unyielding, our aching souls can rest knowing that God has an intimate knowledge and understanding of our grief. God promises to hear our cries, count our tears, and answer our prayers.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” – Psalm 56:8

As the tears of grief begin to subside, and sweet sister they will, tears of joy will flow as we begin to appreciate the glorious eternity that your sweet child (or children) is now experiencing. There will be tears as your remember your sweet one and wonder what life would look like if they were with you now. But, because of our hope found in Christ, we can joyfully anticipate the day when we will be reunited with them in heaven. Our souls can take comfort in knowing that one day, all the heartbreak of this world will pass away.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” -Revelation 21:4

Megan Kelley is married to Jake and the mother to seven babies. Her first child she lost to miscarriage in September of 2009. She then had two children, Hunter (7) and Preston (5). After Preston, she lost her next two to miscarriage in March and August of 2014. A month later, she found out she was pregnant with her son, Thatcher, who was diagnosed with Edwards Syndrome. He went to his heavenly home shortly after he was born on April 17, 2015. She was blessed with her latest addition, Abigail Quinn in July of 2017. She loves painting, gardening, cooking, reading, and playing with her kids at the park.

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