Dear Simeon: A Letter to My Hope Baby

Simeon,

How can I even begin to tell you how grateful I am to be your mother? You are so loved and so missed. My heart aches at the thought of the many, many moments I have longed to share with you on this side of eternity. Your absence is felt every day—in every family picture, on every vacation, throughout each holiday. How I long to look into your beautiful eyes, see your smile, hear the sound of your laughter, wrap you all up in my arms. Someday, my sweet boy. Someday.

Looking in at our household full of boys, I am sure some might assume that one more boy added into all this rumpus and chaos wouldn’t really change the dynamic of our home. But as I think of all the unique quirks and qualities each of your brothers bring to the table, I know that simply isn’t true. With all the particular and individual qualities God created you to have, our family would not be the same with you present here among us. It has certainly not been the same in your absence either.

While my grief has looked different from year to year, I have never stopped grieving. This grief of losing you does not have an ending. I have learned to welcome this reality. Saying goodbye to you on this earth has taught me that where there is great love there will also be great sorrow when separation comes. Since my love for you has only grown from year to year, so this sorrow has endured. But God has done a marvelous work through it all.

The Lord has been so very gracious to my wounded heart through the years. Again and again, He has supplied the precise comforts I have needed in each moment of missing you. Through every tear and in every longing, He has been near. Since you are no stranger to the unending joys that are found in God’s presence, you know that I could never overstate the tremendous comfort I have found in His nearness. What a good and gracious God we serve.

He has opened my eyes to the wonder of His Word. What incredible treasures are found within its pages! What hope! What encouragement! What comfort! As I think of the role Scripture has played in my life through my grief, I am reminded of Psalm 119:25.

My soul clings to the dust;
    give me life according to your Word!

How true this has been for me. I have found life in the middle of this valley as I have turned again and again to God’s Word. The Lord met me every time I turned to Scripture, and He still does—every single day. What joy in knowing that I will never exhaust the riches of His grace or the life-giving blessings of His Word!

My heart bursts with gratitude when I think of the impact that your life has had on mine. I love more deeply, and delight in the Lord in ways that would not have been possible had I not been driven to find refuge in His arms throughout these darkest of days. Sweet boy, the Potter has molded me into a truer likeness of Himself since you came along.

Tears form in my eyes even now as I think of the blessed reunion that awaits us. I cannot contain my elation at the thought of finally being able to wrap you all up in my embrace. A great reversal is coming, dear one. The enormous weight of emptiness that these arms have felt will one day be undone. The countless tears I have cried will all be wiped away. These years of separation will cease as eternity together in the presence of our Mighty God begins. At just the right time, when all that God has so graciously and lovingly determined for you and me have come to pass, together in glory will be the final and unending chapter of our story. I can hardly wait!

Love you always,

Mama