Cidelia’s Story

I conceived for the first time in November 2021. When I found out I was pregnant I was initially scared because I had a dead end job and was barely making any money at all. But that fear soon gave way to excitement as I thought about being a mommy for the first time. I absolutely love babies, and have always wanted children of my own. Growing up, I helped raise my sister, so I knew that raising a baby wouldn’t be easy, but I also knew I was ready. 

I felt really at peace as I looked forward to being a first time mom. My husband and I were so excited. We began getting clothes for the baby from my mother and had her dresser all ready for her. Each week, as my bump grew, I was thrilled to be taking new belly pictures constantly.

I barely got morning sickness. I ate really well and took my prenatal vitamins as instructed. We planned her baby shower to be Navy themed since her daddy is in the Navy. I was so excited to have my little family. In March, my husband and I could start feeling her little kicks, and we were so in love with our baby. 

Throughout my pregnancy, there were times when I had a nagging feeling that something was not right, but I continued to pray for the health of this little one growing inside of me.

On March 18, we went in for a routine ultrasound. Afterwards, the doctor sat us down and told us that our baby had anencephaly—a rare neural tube defect in which the baby is born without a cranium or brain. The doctor said she was incompatible with life and that the longer I carried her the greater the complications that might arise. 

I was heartbroken immediately. I could not understand why this was happening to me. They gave me the option to terminate the pregnancy, but I chose to wait to be induced instead. I wanted to see and hold me baby and have a natural delivery.

I prayed to the Lord every day—asking Him to strengthen me. And He did give me strength. God also allowed me to connect with a photographer who gifted me with 50 maternity photos to have towards the end of my pregnancy. These pictures are such precious memories of the privilege I had to carry my baby.

I wish I could have carried her longer, but her condition was putting me in the risk of hemorrhage and infection. My induction was scheduled for March 28. I now had one week left with my baby, and that was the hardest week I have ever walked through. But God gave me strength and allowed me to enjoy these last few days carrying my baby.

On March 29th I delivered my beautiful Aurelia. I had been in labor for 15 hours with agonizing pain. The pain I had was so unbearable since my uterus refused to open. God stood by my side through it all and allowed me to pull through and stay strong so I could see and hold my baby girl.

She was so beautiful. She had big lips like me, long little toes like me, and the same nose as me. She was just so beautiful. Seeing her lifeless broke my heart. I was crying so much, but I also knew that she had immediately woken healthy and whole in the arms of the Lord. I was comforted by the thought that He would take great care of my baby and love her. She will want nothing in the presence of God.

She is now in heaven with the Lord. I’m devastated that I lost such a beautiful baby girl to anencephaly, and I’m scared to try again. My heart is broken, but with time I know the Lord will make me whole again. I cry everyday, but each day gets a little easier. I’m still devastated, but God continues to bring to mind comforting passages of Scripture and reminding me of His presence.

On my way home from the hospital, my sister pointed out a cloud that was in the shape of an angel. It was a beautiful reminder of the hope of heaven. I know that the Lord is guarding me and will stay by my side everyday.

My baby girl was a gift from the Lord. He put her in my life for a purpose, and has shown me what love is and what motherhood is. He put Aurelia in my life to brighten it and shape me into a better person—into a greater reflection of His image. I will forever be her mommy.

l am a phycology major, newly married wife, and mommy to Aurelia Angel best.