Chance, Forever Held

We may have only carried our babies on this side of eternity for a short while, but they are forever held in our hearts. In this series, Hope Moms share how they have held their precious babies throughout the months and years following their home going. What has remembering your hope baby looked like for you? We would love to have you write about the traditions you have started to represent your hope baby in your holiday celebrations, family photos, home, etc., or how you celebrate their birthday or heaven day. Find out how you can share your story HERE.

It seems like just yesterday I held you in my arms. Your body so tiny, yet so perfect. Such a picture of God’s love and kindness. It has been four years since the day you were born from my body into heaven. How it has been four years I am not quite sure. Some days without you seem light while some heavy, but regardless, I am so thankful for your life, impact, and legacy.

Our family, in an effort to preserve your memory and celebrate your life as our son, has established several family traditions in your honor. This is how we hold you close to our hearts.

On the year you were born, on what would have been your due date, we prepared a baby boy themed gift basket filled with all of our favorite infant products. On August 15, 2015, the day you should have been born alive in our arms, we took the basket to our local hospital’s labor and delivery unit, the same hospital where your sisters were born, and where you were born four months too early. We gave the basket to the nurses and asked them to please deliver the basket in your honor to the next family who birthed a baby boy. There were tears, hugs, and heartfelt encouragement from the hospital staff. While we don’t do this yearly, August 15, 2015 holds such a special place in my heart, and I will cherish forever the memory of delivering our basket.

Your birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. I, along with your daddy and sisters, wear blue in your honor. We bake cupcakes topped with blue icing and share a birthday meal together (your sister always insists you would want macaroni and cheese, so macaroni and cheese it is) complete with the happy birthday song. After dinner, we visit the cemetery where you were buried, and after walking, sharing time together, and a prayer, we release blue balloons up to heaven. While we know the balloons don’t make it all the way up to heaven, we love watching them disappear into the big, beautiful sky.

During the month of December, as we decorate for Christmas, we hold you close by admiring the intricate ornaments that hang on our tree in your honor. One purchased, two given as gifts, all versions of a mother and child embracing. As we gaze at the glistening twinkle lights on our tree, and as we remember the significance of our Savior’s birth, we think of you and smile, knowing that while we are separated but for a moment, you are with the living Jesus, and we will soon be with you forever in eternity.

While the Christmas ornaments are only out for a few short weeks, throughout the year we display several items that remind us of you. First, is the lamp that sits on our entry table. We call this lamp, “Chance’s little light,” and from it hangs a tag with the Scripture reference Psalm 119:105. This verse reads, “Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Your lamp is on a timer. Each night as I see it click on, I smile thinking of how your short life has shed light for many and pointed lives back to Jesus, the one and only true Light for our lives. Underneath the lamp, on the bottom shelf of our entry table, sits a framed poem gifted to us by a dear friend the week after you entered heaven. The poem is penned in beautiful calligraphy, and reminds us that even in the pain of saying goodbye to you, God’s love and our hope in Him abounds.

I would give anything to hold you in my arms again, sweet Chance. Yet, while I wait on this side of eternity for our reunion, I will cherish these traditions, these tiny, immensely impactful ways we hold you close in the bittersweet in-between. You are forever held in my heart, baby boy.

Love,

Mommy

Brittnie lives in Sugar Land, Texas and enjoys writing on her blog and other outlets, baking, lingering coffee dates, and soaking in moments with her family. She is a wife to Brandon and a mom to Clara, Camille, and Hope Mom to Baby A (Clara’s twin) and Chance. Psalm 62:1-2 is her go to verse when she needs quick encouragement. She is author of Desert Song, and you can visit with Brittnie at her personal blog, A Joy Renewed, where she shares her faith and family, and encourages her readers to claim joy despite circumstance.

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