Becky’s Story

I became a Hope Mom on May 2, 2015. It was less than five weeks shy of my due date with our second child, and I found myself headed to the hospital thinking I may have an early delivery. However, when I arrived there, I found out my son was already with Jesus. It’s the kind of thing I thought would never happen to me.

There are many things I am thankful for in the midst of our loss. All the tangible things that the Lord provided in loss, especially the sweet presence of family and friends with the many ways they sought to help us. But above all things, I am eternally grateful for God who is good and promises to work all things together for the good of those who love Him, for Jesus, who by His death and resurrection I have hope of seeing my son again one day and freedom from sin today, and for the Holy Spirit, the counselor and teacher who consistently brings Scripture to my mind throughout this walk to keep me trusting in God.

Those thoughts of Scripture began almost immediately, as I lay in physical and emotional pain with a broken heart that couldn’t begin to grasp that the child I was about to deliver would only be a body. I can claim no righteousness, no goodness of my own in these thoughts. They were God’s work in me. In those first moments, the Holy Spirit brought to my mind Acts 5, describing when the disciples had been flogged and left the Sanhedrin “rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer for His Name.” This was the first taste of joy in sorrow. My heart was broken for my son, but I could rejoice that God would and still does use all of this pain and suffering for His glory. 

Also, during that first night, I remembered Romans 8:31-32. “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?” Wow. What comfort in remembering God had given up His Son, and that He is for me and will graciously give all things!

My healing began in those moments as I placed my trust above my lack of understanding. This is not to say it has been an easy road. I have had my days of grief. But, I have had the sweet blessing of knowing my Savior as the greatest gift I have. When confronted with grief, I turn to Him in His Word and find my solace in knowing He is with me and sees me. I spent a lot of time in 1 Peter in the months following Isaiah’s death. Peter’s words on suffering kept my hope fixed on Christ.

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
1 Peter 1:6-7

It has been over six years now since Isaiah my son went to heaven. The Lord continues to comfort me with His Word. And even when the ache of loss rises up, I am reminded of the God who satisfies my soul. One of my favorite Psalms is chapter 63. Verse three reminds up, “Because Your love is better than life my lips will glorify You!” His love is better than life.

We live in sin-wrecked world, a devastatingly painful world. Even the loss of my son sometimes seems small in comparison to much of what is happening in the world all around me. Yet, even with all this hurt, I know God is good. My hope and my prayer is that God will use my son’s little life on this earth, and the hole it left behind in our hearts, to show others that there is a God worthy of all our worship and adoration. A God who knows your every hurt and sorrow. A God who knows everything you have ever done and still loves you. He wanted to be with you so much that He sent His Son to die for you so that you could be redeemed. He is a God who designed us to be satisfied in Him and who does satisfy us, even in the worst moments of life.

This is the best news there is! If only we would choose to trust Him more! May I rejoice in this hope and seek to share it with others until the day I go home.

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Becky Kuehl is a joyful follower of Christ, wife to Sam, mommy to three children: Abigail, who is two, Isaiah, who was born into heaven on May 3rd 2015, and she is expecting their third in May 2016. She is a part time home health physical therapist who loves being able to share the love of Christ with people and spending time with her family. She loves being outdoors, camping and reading whenever there is time! You can get to know her more by reading her blog at https://sothatimayknowhim.wordpress.com/

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