Ask the Blog Team: Is Avoidance of Difficult People or Circumstances Okay?

Welcome to our Q+A series, Ask the Blog Team. In this series, the Hope Mommies blog team joins together to answer questions that are commonly asked in grief. If there is a question or topic that you have wrestled with in your grief that you would like the opportunity to see how other Hope Moms have processed or answered, we would love to hear from you. You can submit your questions here.

Is Avoidance of Difficult People or Circumstances Okay?

Yes, I believe temporary avoidance is allowed as a boundary, but the key word is temporary! Sometimes space allows for Satan to creep assumptions into your mind about other people and circumstances that are not true. Don’t allow Satan to win this battle especially if it’s dividing you from other believers. Remember to seek the Lord’s guidance on what boundaries to set, and when to start expanding those boundaries to allow the harder things to enter your space again. The goal isn’t to be completely free of pain and difficulty, but to make choices that honor Him in the midst of your grief.

Early on in my grief, I avoided every social event that I could. I was afraid of what people would say to me about my loss, and I was afraid that they wouldn’t say anything at all. I kept people at a distance and didn’t invite others in to encourage me and counsel my soul. I thought this would give me greater space for healing, but it honestly only made things more difficult. By avoiding being in community, I was giving the enemy more freedom in my mind to plant seeds of bitterness, anger, doubt, and confusion.

I’m not saying that there is never a time to avoid certain people or circumstances. But I do think it is wise to evaluate your reasons for doing so. Are you using this avoidance as a way to ignore God’s call for you to rejoice with others and love and serve those around you? Are you using this space that you are carving out for yourself to drink deeply from the Lord and His Word? Perhaps you should bring a few trusted, safe people into your confidence to help you discern what sort of boundaries would be healing and helpful and what boundaries have been made out of fear or anger.

There is certainly wisdom in placing healthy boundaries around your heart in the midst of grief. But take care how you are spending your time and caring for your heart in those moments. If you are temporarily avoiding people and circumstances to give yourself space to draw near to the Lord and be filled with Him, that distance can be fruitful. But take care, it is easy to use avoidance as a license to sit in bitterness and envy. And the longer you avoid people the harder it is to return to meaningful, intentional community. Remember that the Lord is enough and will sustain you in the midst of it all. You can trust Him to care for your heart and strengthen you to endure the difficulties ahead.