Annalisa’s Story
“There is no amniotic fluid.” There I was, perplexed, shocked, and heartbroken. Two days earlier we had the first sonogram of our little boy where he proudly showed off that he was definitely a boy. There was plenty of fluid then. Is that what I was feeling the night before when I thought my back went into alignment?
My midwife said she could no longer be in charge of my care. I needed to be transferred into the care of an OBGYN and put in the hospital immediately. My husband, Tee Wei, was called when I was en route to the hospital, and upon our arrival we still didn’t understand what was really going on. Although I thought I should be almost 23 weeks, I was measuring closer to 20 weeks.
We were informed of all the complications that were possible depending on when our baby was born. There was a 90% chance that he would come in that first week from my water breaking. Coming at 23 weeks, his chance of survival would be bleak. The hospital had no resources for babies born before 23 weeks.
I shared what was happening with a friend of mine who is a doula, and she recommended Dr. Gunby to me. It was manna from God that I was able to get him as my OB during this time. The attending doctor we first met was also mentored by Dr. Gunby. He had kind eyes, the best bedside manner, and did not give us false hope as so many others did during those first few hours at the hospital.
I was discharged on bedrest after staying for a few nights. They gave my son, Casey, steroids and me some antibiotics, but there was nothing else to be done. About two weeks later I was back in the hospital because I was having contractions. Since I was almost 23 weeks, they decided to keep me admitted until he came.
The days ticked by slowly and quickly. I tried to drink as much water as I could, hoping that somehow the amniotic fluid would build up enough to help Casey’s lungs develop. I prayed for God to seal up the amniotic sac again, but the fluid kept leaking and the amniotic sac didn’t seal up.
On October 24, just one day shy of being 25 weeks, I was famished and Tee Wei brought me a big meal, and I think that God was preparing me for the amount of energy I was going to need that night and following day. A few hours later there were more labor pains, and this time they didn’t stop. I couldn’t sleep. The following morning, I knew I was bleeding more, and at some point there were about ten nurses in my room whisking me away to delivery.
By the time I arrived at Labor and Delivery, I was in the worst pain I have ever felt. It was like I was being torn apart from the inside, and I knew that labor without amniotic fluid would be exponentially more painful. Dr. Gunby’s kind eyes met mine and he told me we were going to get Casey out. Tee Wei arrived and began suiting up since we had to deliver our baby via c-section. The doctor suspected that I was having a placenta abruption, and I was put under so they could get Casey out as soon as possible.
Casey Edward (Chong-Yen) Lim was born on October 25 at 9:53am. Tee Wei saw him wheeled away to the NICU and we didn’t see him again for eleven hours. When we were able to see him, he looked so frail that it scared me. He weighed 1 pound 10 ounces, and he had hair! He had his dad’s eyes and nose and my mouth. He looked quite Chinese and beyond handsome. Casey was still critical, but he was responding well to what they were doing, so Tee Wei went home to shower and rest.
I started to get calls from the NICU doctor updating me on Casey’s condition, but by 11:30pm things took a turn for the worse. Tee Wei headed back to the hospital, and I went to see our precious boy. He had been given a blood transfusion and had been resuscitated twice, but he was still fighting. When our pregnancy became high risk, Tee Wei and I had asked God to spare us from having to make medical decisions for him. We didn’t want to live with the guilt of believing we should have made a different choice. We also prayed that God would bring Casey to heaven where he could be whole if he couldn’t thrive on earth.
Whenever his heart dropped to 60 bpm they would do compressions, and they asked me if I wanted them to continue doing them. His body was naturally shutting down, so I didn’t feel like I had to make a choice. So the next time his heart rate dropped to 60, they didn’t do compressions, and I was given the opportunity to hold him. I hope I never forget what it felt like to hold his little body, wrapped in the heated blanket, in my arms. I started to sing JJ Heller’s song “Keep you Safe” to him. It was the song I sang to him from the beginning of my pregnancy. As I sang, Casey’s heart rate climbed back up to 124 bpm. It was such a special miracle. The NICU doctor said it was the result of him recognizing my presence as his mom. Tee Wei arrived soon after.
Casey’s heart rate didn’t increase to what the doctors wanted it to be, and he was soon unhooked from everything. They took us to a separate room and brought him to us wrapped in a blanket. We were able to stay with him as long as we wanted. We sang with him, Tee Wei spoke Chinese to him, and we loved on him. He officially passed at 1:54am on October 26th.
Casey’s picture is in our living room, and we thank God often for still using Casey today to further His kingdom. God has provided manna for us in so many ways in the midst of our
desert—a bouquet of flowers the day Casey passed from friends that didn’t know what
happened, my job giving me enough time off to have a road trip with my husband after two months apart, friends packing and clearing our apartment for us because we were in the midst of moving, people we didn’t expect surrounding us in a hedge of protection. Some were strangers and others we knew And of course, God showed His grace in sparing our son from continued suffering in this world.
During our darkest time, God shone brightly through His Word and the people He placed on our path. While we don’t plan to have any other kids, we are parents and I am a Hope Mommy. I can’t wait until I see my Savior and my son in heaven.
- Annalisa Lim
Hope Mom to Casey Edward (Chong-Yen) Lim
Hello! My husband, Tee Wei, and I have been married for almost four years and are parents to our one child, Casey. I am a 911 Dispatcher/Call Taker and am used to being a part of people’s darkest days. Hope Mommies has been a big part in the healing process of the grief and loss I felt with Casey’s passing.
We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.
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