Angela’s Story

My husband and I got married in April of 2010. We wanted to grow our family right away. When I went in for my early exam six months after we were married, my doctor was concerned that I was not yet pregnant. We began to chart my cycle with ovulation tests, charts, and checking my temperature. When I was still not pregnant a year later, the doctor’s concern increased.

Since my cycles and exams all looked good, we started talking about various fertility treatments. I started on some medication and began a treatment plan. When the first round of treatments failed, I didn’t know what to do. I felt devastated, lost, and alone. There was nowhere to turn except to God.

I knew God had a plan. I had faith in the promise that God had a plan for us, and His plan was better than any plan I had for myself. I could see God working. I knew He was with us on this journey.

My husband and I talked and prayed through our options. We decided we would get help from the doctor to make sure I was ovulating, and then try to get pregnant on our own. The doctor was not sure about this. He was concerned about putting my body this far through fertility treatments without going the rest of the way. He was very kind and gifted us another round of treatments.

When this next round of treatments also failed, I was devastated again. I felt as if I was being punished for not being good enough. But I knew that the God I served did not work that way. He was with me and had a plan.

My nurse had asked me to call her no matter what happened. As I was crying, I called her to let her know I had started my cycle again. She gave me the number of another fertility doctor. She thought this new doctor would be the best route for us. They would be able to do more testing and give us more information.

My husband had gone into work that day. I called him to let him know what was going on. He wanted to be with me, so he came back home. We prayed and talked and decided to call this new doctor to make a an appointment. We scheduled tests on my uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries, and found that everything was good except for one blocked fallopian tube.

Around this same time I was offered a nannying job. I prayed about it and felt that this was where God wanted me. So I began to nanny for a wonderful family. They were extremely encouraging, and I could see the hands of God through them.

The doctor wanted to try a new treatment concentrating only on the ovary with the open fallopian tube. The income from my new job allowed us to be able to try again. Once again, the treatment failed. Our only other options were not financially possible for us at the time, so we started to fundraise and ask God for guidance.

I was on my way to a party to support my sister-in-law when I got a phone call from my husband letting me know that we were going to receive a check for twenty thousand dollars. I immediately thanked the Lord. I knew that this was God at work. This was the exact amount that we needed for the new fertility treatment. This leg of our fertility journey included a lot of shots, medications, and exams. But God had made a way, so I was doing my part in walking the road He had laid out for us.

In March 2016 we had our first treatment and then had to wait while we had bloodwork done. I was helping a friend out with her newborn when the nurse called and let me know I was pregnant. I was overjoyed and told everyone!

However, when I went back for my next round of bloodwork I received the news that I was miscarrying. I was devastated. The family that I was helping out was very loving and understanding. They gave me a locket on Mother’s Day that was engraved with the words A Mother To Many.

Through their kindness, God showed me that He was with me and for me. As I continued to lean on God, I was given the strength to try again.  We did not have the money to do another treatment then, but a very dear friend of mine generously gave to help support our continued fertility journey. I will never be able to thank all of the people who gave their love and support.

In May 2017, we had our final treatment. We had our bloodwork done and found out we were pregnant again. I was overjoyed! I did refrain from telling everyone this time though. We had our next set of bloodwork done. I was still pregnant, but my numbers were not as high as they would have liked. Eventually, after repeated tests, we learned that we were going miscarry again.

I was devastated and very angry. I could not understand why God had taken me down this road. Why didn’t He allow any of these treatments to be successful? But through it all, I knew that God was with me. Holding me. Grieving with me.

I could feel Him with me even when I was screaming in anger. He was there, and He understood. I did not understand why God allowed me to go through all of this, but I had faith and hope in God. His plan was better than mine. I would not have made it through this without Him.

I began some Bible studies to help with my loss journey. They helped me to celebrate my babies in heaven—to name them and to embrace being a mother to babies in heaven. I envisioned God with my babies, calling them by name. This left me with a sense of joy knowing that my precious babies were in the hands of God. They were safe, and I would be with them one day.

While this was the end of our infertility journey, it was not the end of our journey to become a family here on earth. In January 2018, we were asked if we could take our great nephew in. We agreed to do, even though my heart was unsure. I asked God if this was really what He wanted from us. I felt so broken. How could I do this?

My husband had planned a cruise for us in April of that year. He wondered if he should cancel but we decided to go anyways. While we were on our trip, we got the call that we were approved by the judge for custody of our nephew. We were so excited! I began to buy clothes for him right away. We had our home study and all of things we needed to get done for him to be placed with us.

During this time I still felt broken and lost. I continued to lean on God. He gave me strength when I had none. I became involved with Hope Mommies and Gathering Hope. These organizations helped me to draw closer to God and to continue to celebrate my babies in heaven. They also helped me to grieve by allowing me to share my story and speak about my babies with confidence.   

Our nephew joined us in June when he was six and a half months old. What started as a desire to help our family turned into something much more. Several months later, we took in his little bother who was only two days old. By October 2020, we had adopted them both.

Through this journey God has taught me that He is always with us. He understands our pain and grieves with us. He has shown me how to be the best mother I can be, and helps me daily as I continue to walk through grief as a mother. I want you all to know that you are never alone and you are so loved. God knew what was happening. He walked us through it all. May all the glory be to Him alone. My prayer is that our story will bring others hope.

Hi! My name is Angela, and I am a Hope Mom to Dakota, Dallas, Sydney, Angel and an earth side Mom to Joey and Cooper. I have been married to my husband Robert since April 24, 2010.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.