Eternal Family
“Imagine a priceless vase or ornament is dropped on the floor and smashed to pieces. The woman who loved it kneels down. She picks up the pieces, one by one. She looks at each one in detail, turning it round, as if to remember where it once belonged. The vase was loved and so when it was shattered, every piece was worth picking up, no matter how small. A grieving person will often want to talk about the smallest detail of their loss. It is as if every broken piece is taken up and wept over. When you listen, you may feel that the detail was small, but it is part of something that was supremely valued, part of something dearly loved” (Colin Smith). Our Hope Babies are unique, precious, supremely valued, and dearly loved gifts from God to us; through this series, we speak about them together and remember them.
“How many children do you have?”
“Is she your only girl?”
“So, you have three kids then?”
These are normal questions. Reasonable questions. These are standard questions that women are asked on a regular basis. But to the hope mom, these questions rip off the band-aid, exposing the wound that’s present, though not often visible. These questions remind us (not that we ever need reminding) that the picture people see of our family is incomplete.
I am asked these questions frequently, and I could answer:
“No, I have 4 children—2 boys and 2 girls. My second child is a girl. Her name is Kinley Peyton. She has dark hair that would probably have lightened to sandy blonde like her little sister’s did. Kinley has blue eyes, just like her daddy and all of her siblings. She would have turned 7 last month, but Kinley lives in heaven.”
This is my heart’s response. This is the truth. This reply reveals the details that are missing from my family picture. But this is not the answer that I give.
Instead, I nod my head, “yes, three,” and reply that Leighton, my youngest, is my only girl […here]. There are occasions where I share Kinley with the person asking the questions. Not usually though.
Right after losing Kinley, I did feel the need to explain Kinley every time those questions came. It felt like I was being unfaithful to her if I didn’t. But now I rest in the fact that Kinley is sealed into my eternal family. I don’t feel the need to justify her or defend her existence. No question challenges that, and no one changes that. Kinley was, is, and will always be a member of our family. However, each hope mom has to do what feels comfortable to her. It is absolutely ok to explain your hope baby when those questions are asked. Your hope baby is a part of your story, and you have the right to share or not share as you see fit.
You are born into an earthly family. You don’t get to pre-approve them or hand select them. God has already determined this for you. When you have a baby, there’s not a guarantee that the baby will be a girl or have blonde hair or eat all of their vegetables.
Or that you will get to spend a lifetime with this child.
All of these factors are decided by God. Our one guarantee, because of what Christ did on the cross, is that we can have an eternal family. This life is not the end. Our time on earth isn’t all we have to look forward to. Salvation makes heaven possible and reunites us who are born again Christians with God and our hope babies.
“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, Who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of His glory.”
Ephesians 1:13-14 (NIV)
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.”
1 Peter 1:3-5 (NIV)
This is God’s promise to us: redemption, hope, and eternity with Him. Praise be to God!
More important than how the picture of our family is incomplete is the fact that our hearts—in and of ourselves—are incomplete. We were born with a longing, a desire for more than this life can offer us. Our hearts were destined for eternity. We all have an ache for heaven.
For those of us that have suffered loss, that ache is just more pronounced. It is bittersweet to know the hope that awaits us in a new way through loss, to have a glimpse of heaven because of the beautiful lives that left this world too soon.
“I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
2 Samuel 12:23 (NIV)
King David spoke these words after the death of his infant son. David’s servant couldn’t understand why David was no longer mourning now that his son was dead. But David knew death was not the end. I believe he had full confidence of being reunited with his son in heaven. This verse brings us hope that our hope babies are in heaven, and we will see them again.
In today’s society, family is sadly not viewed as a permanent fixture. Marriages end. Children are given up. Children emancipate themselves from their parents. People die. But in a world that is overrun with death, divorce, disillusionment, and despair, we stand grounded on our future hope. By accepting Christ as our Savior, our salvation and eternity are secure. We are rooted in our forever family. Nothing can separate us from Him.
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”
Romans 8:38 (NLT)
“For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will.”
Ephesians 1:4-5 (NIV)
“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of My hand. “
John 10:28 (NIV)
I love these assurances God gives us. He anticipates our needs. God knew we’d have doubts, insecurities, and fears that would need to be exposed and silenced through the truth of His Word.
We are accepted.
We are chosen.
We are forgiven.
And nothing can change that.
When we make the decision to follow Christ, we are adopted into His family. This is the family our precious hope babies identify with. This is the family they experience right now in heaven. And this is the eternal family in which we as believers belong and are destined for.
We eagerly await the return of Jesus, when our family is made whole, and our hearts are complete.
- Stephanie
Hope Mom to Kinley
Stephanie Blanks is an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. She is married to Matt and has four children: Lyston (7), Kinley (who went home to Jesus in 2011), Levi (4), and Leighton (2). Stephanie enjoys singing in her church praise band, running, reading, and spending time with her family.
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