When You Struggle with Doubt

Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.” 

Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!”
—John 20:24–28

I am so thankful that Scripture includes this snapshot of Thomas. His experience is so relatable, and Jesus’ response to his doubt is so comforting as we, Hope Moms, battle our own doubt. He had walked and talked with his Savior and heard eyewitness accounts of the resurrection from his friends, and yet he still doubted. He struggled to believe in Christ’s power and presence, just as I have (and still do) at times.

In many ways, my own grief has mirrored that same struggle. I’ve wrestled with the truthfulness of Scripture, with God’s sovereignty over the difficult circumstances I was walking through, and with His steadfast love and goodness in my life. At times I wondered, Does God even see these sacrifices I’ve had to make as a Hope Mom? Is He really near and attentive to my prayers, and able to help me through each day? In the early days after my daughter’s death, I often felt as though the Lord was distant from my struggle to reenter the world after loss, to wake up each day and care for my three-year-old when all I wanted was to stay in bed, and to navigate marriage and the aching question of whether to try again for another child or to simply be done.

As I carried those questions, comparison quietly crept in. I looked around at family members, friends, and other moms at church and on the playground, and their lives seemed so much more put-together. It seemed they had exactly what I wanted, another child, yet that had been taken from me. It left me quietly wondering, Is God withholding good from me? And yet, in all of these questions and more, I was able to express honest doubt and humble belief as He continued to reveal Himself through His Word.

It was there, in that place of questioning, that I praised Him then, and I still praise Him today, for the reminder that with His presence comes peace. Jesus stood among His disciples, including doubting Thomas, and proclaimed the rest that I, too, long for when He said, “Peace be with you.” He answered Thomas’s questions and disbelief by actively showing up and letting him see the truth face to face. In the same way, in the middle of my questions and disbelief, God continues to minister His presence and truth through His holy Word. He meets us in our concerns and fears, and He patiently deepens our faith as we learn to see how He is providing for us in the midst of our grief.

And this is what has reshaped the way I understand doubt. What comforts me most is how gracious and merciful God is toward those who doubt. Jesus does not chide Thomas for his unbelief, even considering all that he had already seen. Instead, He tenderly calls him back to faith. He holds out the proof of His resurrection and invites him to see and know it for himself. This is the same invitation He extends to us. “Do not disbelieve, but believe.” He calls us to take Him at His Word, to trust His promises, and to remember that He alone is God, that He is in control of all things, and that He loves us with an everlasting love.

And as God meets us in our honest questions, my prayer is that our hearts would echo Thomas’s response. That we would see His greatness and glory, His power and perfection in new ways, and worshipfully declare, “My Lord and my God!” May our joy in Him deepen as He rekindles belief in who He is and in all that He has done. And may we go forth delighting in Him and boldly bearing witness to other doubters that He is real and He is near.

Jennie is the Executive Director for Hope Mommies. She and her husband Brian live in Oregon and have four children together— Trenton, Paige who has been in Heaven with Jesus since 2010, Mason, and Cora. If you were to knock on her front door today, you’d find her in something comfortable drinking a hot cup of tea, while trying to figure out how to balance all the things that make up a life. She enjoys spending time in God’s word, fresh flowers, board games with her kids, cooking, and evening walks in her neighborhood. She adores being a new creation in Christ and prays she reflects Him well on this earth.