When You Can’t See the Purpose in the Pain…

God’s Word speaks thoroughly and abundantly into every season of the heart. As we study His Word, we learn that within its pages are found the ultimate source of comfort and peace for the sufferer. In this series, we will seek to carefully and compassionately apply these ancient, scriptural truths to feelings and experiences that are common in grief.

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I stood quietly in the kitchen stirring my tea. Their words echoed in my mind, and I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

The words chaffed at my bruised and broken heart. Just months before, we had buried our infant daughter. I desperately wanted to know why she was taken from us. We prayed for a miraculous healing. We believed our prayers would be answered. But instead of earthly healing, our daughter was granted eternal life.

We were left with shattered hearts and so many questions without answers.

Despite the well-meaning words offered in kindness, I was not comforted. Though I searched for a reason that would ease my grief, I could find no purpose in the pain.

Perhaps you find yourself in the same place. Your heartbreak seems unbearable and you are desperately searching for answers, a reason, an explanation for why you must endure this. If this is where you find yourself, I’d like to offer some truths to focus your heart when you can’t see the purpose in the pain.

YOUR LIFE RESTS WITHIN GOD’S SOVEREIGN CARE

In the book of Job, we read of a man who endured incredible and seemingly meaningless suffering—almost more than can be imagined to bear. In a short span of time, he lost all his wealth, his health, and his children. Throughout the entire book, Job wrestled with God over the age-old question of purpose in pain and suffering. In the end, he came to this conclusion:

“I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2

Job did not understand why he had to endure such heartbreaking pain and loss, but he came to see in a new way just how much his life rested within God’s sovereign care. He could affirm that, no matter the circumstances, God was in complete control, and evil could not prevail over the final outcome.

GOD IS A SOLID ROCK BENEATH YOUR FEET AND YOU WILL NOT BE OVERCOME

Grief can be likened to a raging sea. Wave after wave pound away against our hearts, swells crash and seethe, and we feel tossed about, unable to find a firm footing. Just when we think we’ve found a toe-hold and the sea is calm, we are hit out of nowhere with a wave of pain and longing. This imagery is echoed in Isaiah:

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.”
Isaiah 43:2

God is the solid rock beneath the waves of grief and loss. They may threatened to overtake us, but He promises to be with us. His firm presence means we will not be overcome.

GOD CAN USE THIS SORROW TO MAGNIFY HIS LOVE FOR YOU

As we walked through the months between our daughter’s fatal diagnosis and the day of her birth, we cried out to God to heal her and take away our suffering. In the midst of those anguished prayers, the love of God was almost palpable in a way that I will never be able to fully explain. All I know is that in that very place of suffering was where God’s love shone the brightest in my heart. It enveloped me. It buoyed me up. Suffering opened a door to the deep love of God that I’m not sure I could have experienced in it’s absence. In Romans, Paul speaks to this when he says:

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

God wants to draw you in to the depth of His compassion and love when your heart is broken.  He can use your sorrow to magnify His love for you. Powerful love sustained me, and it can sustain you.

GOD CAN USE THIS SORROW FOR GOOD IN THE LIVES OF MANY PEOPLE

I wanted good to come out of my daughter’s life. I wanted her to be a testimony to the miraculous healing power of God. I wanted a miracle to soften hard hearts, open closed hearts, and bring people to Christ. I wanted her life to bring glory to the God who healed her.

And it has. But not because of a miraculous healing. I believe now that more good has come through her death than would have come through her life. Paul writes in Romans that our present suffering cannot even compare with the glory to come, and that an undercurrent of hope runs through all the suffering of creation. Through the help of the Spirit, we can cry out to God knowing that He hears us. And because we know God hears us, we can be confident that He works all suffering for good in the lives of His children.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

I had to stop looking for answers and instead focus on what good God wanted to bring out of my daughter’s death. Her death has opened more doors for me to share the gospel than I could have imagined. Her death has given me opportunities to talk about how good, loving, and faithful my God is. Her death may be the very instrument God uses to bring life to someone else.

DEATH IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY

At the end of the book of Revelation, we read these words that fill our hears with hope:

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, no crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Revelation 21:4

This world is filled with death, pain, and suffering, but one day it will all pass away and be no more. Death will not have the final say. The tender hand of our loving Father will wipe away all tears and will restore His broken creation. 

God, I don’t have answers, but I have you. You hold my life in your sovereign care. You are the solid rock beneath my feet. I will not be overcome. You can use this sorrow to take me deeper into your tender love. You can use this sorrow to bring good to my life and the lives of others.  And you promise that death will not have the final say. Help me to keep my eyes on you even when my heart is breaking, and to hold on to the glorious hope that one day all will be made right.  Amen.

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Abigail is mama to her toddler daughter and to Sarabeth who went to be with Jesus seven days after her birth in January 2018. She and her husband, Chad, live in Berea, KY on the family farm where they raise cattle. In addition to being a stay-at-home-mom and teaching piano part-time, Abigail blogs on Facebook and Instagram at A Healing Gratitude where her desire is to share Sarabeth’s story in a way that highlights the goodness and love of God and demonstrate how gratitude can lead to greater healing.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.

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