A Garden of Hope

I am an artist and I love to garden, so it should come as no surprise that I’m constantly finding inspiration in the outdoors. God blessed me with the ability to find beauty in the seemingly mundane. Every sunset, every flower, every texture and color is a source to pull from and a reminder of how complex, and beautifully awesome our Heavenly Father is. I feel that every season has its own unique beauty, but over the last three years, Spring has taken on a deeper significance. Perhaps it has something to do with my son’s birthday landing in the middle of it, or maybe it’s because the celebration of Easter has a more profound meaning for me now.

Many of the plants in our backyard were planted in the weeks following Thatcher’s death. Several were gifts from friends that wanted to give us something more lasting than the arrangements that filled our living room. My husband and I desperately needed something to stay busy in order to keep from drowning in our sorrow, so we planted a garden and put down new grass. We were able to create something beautiful from those weeks of deep pain.

A year later, deep in depression, I began praying while I worked on a series of paintings. It had been a season of darkness for my family and me. It felt like an eternal winter, and I desperately needed to feel the sun again. I was yearning for God to show me His goodness after losing three babies.

When I listen to Kari Jobe’s song, “The Garden,” the first verse resonates with me in a powerful way and brings me back to that spring:

I had all
But given up
Desperate for
A sign from God
Something good
Something kind
Bringing peace to every corner of my mind

It mirrors my journey and emotions during that time I spent in the valley of grief. I felt stuck in this deep place and blinded to God’s goodness. I wrote the following in my journal during this period:

“God, You know my anguish. You see my broken, bleeding heart. I’m daily reminded of others’ joy and answered prayers, but as I sit here, I feel stuck in my sorrow; like You have overlooked me. Forgive me for finding it hard to remember Your faithfulness to me. Your love has been unfailing even in the midst of these trials, but many times I can’t bring myself to recite my gratitude for all the many blessing You have given me. I don’t want to be stuck here. Heal my heart and remove my blindness so that I can see evidence of Your faithfulness once again.”

The more I worked through the series, the more I prayed, and the more I felt God’s presence. I sensed that He was promising revival. Not just bringing me back to the surface from the pit I was in but lifting me up to something better; something more beautiful than before. I clung to that promise.

I began to realize God’s faithfulness as the plants awoke from their winter slumber and emerged from the ground. God provided me a beautiful picture of how He loves us.

Then I saw the garden
Hope and come to me
To sweep away the ashes
Wake me from my sleep
I realized
You never left
And for this moment
You planned ahead
That I would see Your faithfulness in all of the green

He brings life to what was dead. As the Master Gardner, He prunes us in order for us to be fruitful, He pulls the weeds that threaten to choke us out, and He knows the perfect amount of sunshine and rain to make the most beautiful souls.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
John 15:1-2

I had a renewed peace that God was working on my heart in a mighty way. It wasn’t overnight, but slowly my prayers began to change. Now, as I go through my journal, I can see the subtle shift. There was hope growing for the future. I couldn’t see God’s plan, but I knew that, despite the pain, it was a perfect plan. And, despite my feelings of isolation, He had never left me. He knew my pain and would redeem our ashes for a testimony that would glorify Him. 

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
Psalm 56:8

I can see the ivy
Reaching through the wall
‘Cause you will stop at nothing
To heal my broken soul

I can see the ivy
Growing through the wall
‘Cause you will stop at nothing
To heal my broken soul

You’re healing broken souls
Faith is rising up like ivy
Reaching for the light
Hope is stirring
deep inside me
Making all things right

Love is lifting me from sorrow
Catching every tear
Dispelling every like and torment
Crushing all my fears
You crush all my fears
You crush all my fears
With your perfect love
With your perfect love

Now I see redemption
Growing in the trees
The death and resurrection
In every single seed.

You can listen to The Garden here. I hope your heart is encourage by these words as mine has been.

Megan Kelley is married to Jake and the mother to seven babies. Her first child she lost to miscarriage in September of 2009. She then had two children, Hunter (7) and Preston (5). After Preston, she lost her next two to miscarriage in March and August of 2014. A month later, she found out she was pregnant with her son, Thatcher, who was diagnosed with Edwards Syndrome. He went to his heavenly home shortly after he was born on April 17, 2015. She was blessed with her latest addition, Abigail Quinn in July of 2017. She loves painting, gardening, cooking, reading, and playing with her kids at the park.

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