Finding Rest in the Lord

Rest. If there was one thing that seemed to elude me in the days, months, and years following the loss of my first two daughters, it was rest. Every part of my being was weary and overwhelmed by the simplest tasks. Little vacations here and there that were supposed to invite some sort of respite did nothing to reprieve me of the pain of loss searing through my bones. I struggled to find some experience, some place, some outlet that would calm my often anxious, lonely, and sad heart.

I prayed in the year after the loss of my second daughter that it would be a year of rest. It was nothing of the sort. That is, it was nothing like how I would have defined rest. It was a year full of wrestling with God in my pain—a year of intense grief filled with anxiety, and wondering if my heart would always feel such ache and turmoil. That certainly doesn’t sound like a year of rest right?

But God.

But God’s definition of rest is not like ours. His promise of rest is found in the chaos, not when the chaos is over. His promise of rest is found in midst of the sadness and tears, and not only when they stop falling. And His promise of rest is found in the anxious and tumultuous moments of our aching hearts, and not only when our hearts stop aching.

In Matthew 11:28 (NASB), Jesus says “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”  Come to Me. The call is to come, to come in our weariness, to come in our ache, to come in the heaviness of grief that burdens our heart. Jesus provides the resting, all we have to do is come.

After the loss of my second daughter, what appeared to be a year full of more chaos than rest actually became a year where rest was found in the chaos. In fact, I daresay rest came because of the chaos. In the chaos there was no other place to go but to Jesus (though I certainly tried other avenues). I came to Him with the little I had to bring.

Many days, it seemed my only offering was my tears, questions, and anger. But as I came to Him in the chaos, I began to discover a rest unlike I had ever experienced before. I found rest in the unchanging character of God amid the changing circumstances of my life and heart. The rest God speaks of is not simply a state of being quiet and relaxed (I can be quiet and relaxed zoning out with my favorite TV show, but not feel at rest), but that of being refreshed and renewed. And that refreshment and renewal can only come from Christ.

God began to answer my prayer for that year to be one of rest in the most unlikely of ways. I began to discover that I can experience true rest that refreshes my heart and soul in God’s presence even when the waters are raging all around me. It is God’s presence alone that brings rest. It is a rest that comes from knowing, in greater measure, the magnitude of His grace and the depth of His love. It is experiencing His overwhelming grace when I am at the end of myself and the sorrow seems to overwhelm me. It is an ever deepening awareness of His unending love for me that has slowly seeped through all of my unanswered questions. And it is a growing wonder of what it means that God is a promise keeper and will fully redeem all that is lost. In His unchanging character I find rest, and as I simply bring myself to Him daily, moment-by-moment with open hands, He gives the rest I long for. 

Though the waves of grief and pain ebb and flow, and my feeling of rest may vary on any given day, my heart has become more at rest knowing my Savior is my burden bearer—the One who has called me to come to Him and find rest for my soul. I need this reminder daily; I needed this reminder today even as I write this to you. The more I know Jesus, the more I engage in the pain and grief and ask God to help me know Him rightly, the more I will experience the beauty of His rest. What a precious promise that He will give us rest!

Hi! I’m Lindsey. I live in Orlando, Florida with my stud of a husband Kevin. We have 3 incredible children, Sophie and Dasah who now live with Jesus and Jaden who came into our lives through adoption. We have a very energetic golden retriever and love living in the sunshine state. I get to spend my days loving on my son, investing my life in college students here through a non-profit organization we’re a part of and when I have time, writing on my blog about the hope that doesn’t disappoint

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