Ask the Blog Team: How Did You Decide When to Start Trying to Conceive Again?

Welcome to our Q+A series, Ask the Blog Team. In this series, the Hope Mommies blog team joins together to answer questions that are commonly asked in grief. If there is a question or topic that you have wrestled with in your grief that you would like the opportunity to see how other Hope Moms have processed or answered, we would love to hear from you. You can submit your questions here.

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I made it a point to never refer to another child as the rainbow after my grief. I focused on Jesus and working through the waves of my grief more than on having another child; He was the rainbow. We did decide after a few months that the benefit of loving and knowing another child far out-weighed the risks in all circumstances, so we did start to try again. I knew if God had been trustworthy in this terrible circumstance, He would carry me through anything else thrown our way. Almost three years later we are still childless, but having the gift of time after loss has allowed me to work through so many fears and grow even closer to the Lord. 

Pray. Pray. Pray. Listen to the Holy Spirit over your physical and instinctual desires that were left unfulfilled. Only God can give life, so trust in His timing. Know that each child will be unique and will have a unique place in your heart and in the Kingdom.

Having my two children, and losing them both, made me want to have more children. I loved them, I missed them, and I missed the act of mothering. I knew I wanted more children, and thankfully, God graciously gave us another child. I got pregnant three months after my daughter died, and I was nervous that I would feel like I was replacing Noah and Isabelle. However, once I gave birth, I realized that my heart had grown and that I would never be able to replace my other children.

Our son would’ve been the fifth member in our family, and five felt like the right number, so we knew we would try again. Expecting another son and getting a third daughter quickly taught us that our son could never be replaced. When you get pregnant after losing a child, it never erases the child you have lost. It never could. 

The decision to begin trying to conceive after loss followed a lot of prayer and a careful examination of my heart. I had to honestly ask myself where I was placing my hope. Was it in the possibility of having another baby or in the God who gave His life for me? When I could truly say that my hope was in the Lord alone, we started trying again.

When my next pregnancy also ended in loss, my husband and I decided to spend the next year re-focusing our hearts on the Lord, and making time to really work through the many layers of grief we were carrying. But the Lord had different plans for us. A few months later, we were shocked to find out that we were pregnant again. This surprise pregnancy was such a valuable reminder to us that it is God who ultimately determines how and when our family grows; it really isn’t up to us at all. We can rest knowing that our future has been purposefully planned and lovingly executed by our sovereign God.

We started trying to conceive again as soon as I was cleared by my OB. I had to wait eight months post c-section.

After we lost Kinley, I wanted to start trying right away. My arms felt so empty, and I was certain another baby would ease my grief. However, my husband (wisely) wanted to wait for the autopsy results to see if there was a genetic cause for her death. So, for three months, I waited, and not patiently I might add. But God knew I needed that time to work on my relationship with Him. God drew me to Himself, and that’s when healing began.

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