What if my baby wouldn’t have chosen Him?

Every year at our Retreat we host a Q&A hour. This year we had more questions than time to answer them. The hope of our Leadership Team is that we can address some of them in this newsletter or on our podcast. One of those questions was,

“How do I know my babies are in heaven? What if God knew they wouldn’t accept Him later, so they didn’t go to heaven when they died?”

I think it’s likely she was asking, “If God knew my child wouldn’t choose Him later in life, is this why He chose to take them now?”

What hard thoughts we Hope Moms wrestle with. Underneath these words are often much deeper fears. Fears that are both theological questions and heart questions. We are mothers trying to make sense of a loss we don’t understand, and sometimes when we are reaching for God’s sovereignty we can land in places that feel unsettling, and even frightening.

I think there are a few layers beneath her question. A fear about her baby’s eternal security. She wants to know, “Is my baby safe with God?” I think there’s possibly some confusion about God’s sovereignty because, “If God knows everything, does that mean He made this choice because of what He foresaw?” And maybe a little fear about God’s character. “Would God take a life early to prevent a future rejection?” Or, “Would He do something painful now to avoid something worse later?”

I will not claim to know why God has taken any of our babies to heaven before they had the chance to live full lives on this earth. But I will point you to what Scripture says.

God does not act arbitrarily or harshly (Genesis 18:25)
God is compassionate and near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18)
God delights in mercy (Micah 7:18)
Jesus welcomes children, and does not push them away (Mark 10:14)

And most importantly, we are never told that God takes a life in order to prevent a hypothetical future rejection. That idea may feel like it explains something or gives a “reason for the loss,” but it actually places a weight on God’s character that Scripture does not support.

I don’t believe God took any of our babies because He knew they wouldn’t choose Him later. Scripture never gives us that picture of Him. What we do see is a God who is just, merciful, compassionate, and One who welcomes little ones into His presence. Our babies’ lives were not ended because of a future failure, and they have always been held in the hands of a good Father.

I am so glad this question was asked, because it gives us a reason to pore over our Bibles and to learn more about who God is. It is natural that when our babies die, our mama hearts ache to know exactly where our babies are and if we will see them again.

In fact, that’s why Hope Mommies is called Hope Mommies. Our founder, Erin Cushman, coined the term because after her loss cultural titles like “Angel Mom,” “Babylost Mom,” or “Heaven Mom” seemed to be everywhere, and she had a difficult time with those classifications and others like them. She knew her baby wasn’t an angel and that her baby was not lost. The Bible has great clarity regarding what happens at death, the distinctions between angels and humans, and how we can have peace and hope while grieving.

We can mourn our babies parting from this earth, and still believe wholeheartedly that they are in the presence of God (2 Samuel 12:19–23). And that we all share in the grace of Christ—the undeserved, unearned kindness of God to give us salvation (Ephesians 2:8–9).

Biblical hope is not a flimsy, passing thing. Biblical hope has a foundation and a surety to it (Romans 8:24–25; Hebrews 6:19; 1 Peter 1:3). To say that “I hope I see my baby again,” is not wishful thinking, it’s a blood-bought promise from Jesus Christ.

While the Bible does not give a single, explicit sentence that says, “All babies who die go to heaven,” it does give us something just as important. It shows us the character of God. And when we look carefully at Scripture, several truths begin to form a steady foundation beneath our feet.

God does not hold people accountable for what they cannot understand. Throughout Scripture, we see that God judges people based on what they truly know and understand. In Deuteronomy 1:39, children are described as those who “have no knowledge of good or evil.” They are not held accountable in the same way as those who knowingly rebel.

Pastor J.D. Greear explains it this way, “Babies are not held guilty of sin because they have no perception of the law in their hearts. As such, if they are to die prematurely, we can be confident they will go to heaven. We don’t need to compound our grief and loss with fears about their eternal destination. They are covered under Christ’s blood as an act of God’s grace.”¹

Goodness, friends, this matters deeply. Our Hope Babies did not reject God, neither did they turn away from Him, or harden their hearts. Salvation has always been by grace, not by our ability, and the same is true for our Hope Babies.

I can understand the fear in the question, “What if my child didn’t get the chance to choose Jesus?” But the truth is none of us are saved because we were capable enough, we are only saved because Jesus is merciful enough.

John Piper puts it this way, “The way I see it is that God ordains, for his own wise purposes, that at the judgment day all the children who died in infancy will be covered by the blood of Jesus… and God will not condemn them because… they did not have the mental capacities to put their faith in him.”²

In other words, our Hope Babies are not saved because they were innocent. Our Hope Babies are saved because Christ is sufficient.

The idea that God may have known our children wouldn’t choose Him and so He chose to take them now just does not reflect the heart of God revealed in Scripture. God is not looking for reasons to keep people out of heaven. He is the One who sent His Son so that sinners could come in. And we never see in Scripture a picture of God condemning someone for a choice they never had the ability to make.

Instead, we see a God who welcomes children (Mark 10:14), draws near to the weak (Psalm 147:3; Isaiah 42:3), and shows compassion to those who can’t help themselves (Psalm 103:13; Psalm 72:13). God’s justice and mercy are perfectly aligned.

At the end of the day, this question is not answered by one verse alone, but by the nature of God Himself. And because of this, we can say with great confidence that we have every reason to believe our babies are with Him now. Not because we can prove every detail, but because we trust His heart.

We don’t need to carry fear on top of grief and wonder if our babies are lost. We don’t need to question if God withheld heaven from our children or if they wouldn’t have chosen Him later on. The God who formed our babies and saw every day of their lives (Psalm 139:13–16) is the same God who sent Jesus.

This God is not careless with souls. He is not harsh or unjust, and He does not withhold what is good. He is a Father, tender and trustworthy, and we can entrust both our Hope Babies and our own hearts to Him. I believe with all my heart that the One who holds eternity is the very One who holds our children, too, and in that, we find our comfort.

Jennie

­­­¹ https://jdgreear.com/do-babies-who-die-go-to-heaven/
² https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/why-do-you-believe-that-infants-who-die-go-to-heaven

Jennie is the Executive Director for Hope Mommies. She and her husband Brian live in Oregon and have four children together— Trenton, Paige who has been in Heaven with Jesus since 2010, Mason, and Cora. If you were to knock on her front door today, you’d find her in something comfortable drinking a hot cup of tea, while trying to figure out how to balance all the things that make up a life. She enjoys spending time in God’s word, fresh flowers, board games with her kids, cooking, and evening walks in her neighborhood. She adores being a new creation in Christ and prays she reflects Him well on this earth.