The Gift of Endurance

Explorer young woman with backpack going up on hill outdoor.

It wasn’t until many days after the burial of my son that I began to feel the deep grief and suffering. Things had moved too fast up to that point to process the magnitude of what had just occurred. One day, we learned our son had passed away. A few days later he was born, and a few days after that we honored his life with a small graveside service. Yet, when the phone stopped dinging and the casseroles stopped appearing, and I could finally well, just stop, it was then that the heaviness of our loss was truly felt, really felt for the first time.

The dictionary describes suffering as the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. Pain? Check. Distress? Check. Hardship? Check. Pregnancy and infant loss meet this definition. As I sat in my heartache over those next few weeks and months, God gently reminded me, through His Word and fellow believers, that there just might be a gift in this time of pain, a gift in this suffering. At first my flesh wanted to reject this idea because, well, how in the world does birthing and burying your dead son translate to a gift? Surely not. But if I believe Scripture to be true, then all of it is true. And that means, yes, God uses my suffering for His kingdom purposes and for my good.

In the Message translation, Romans 5:3 is translated, “There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us. . . “

In the New International translation the same verse states, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;”

The New Living Translation says it this way, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.”

While the suffering itself is not necessarily a gift, what God accomplishes in our life through suffering certainly is. Experiencing deep suffering builds in us the ability to keep going, to press on in patience, to persevere, to endure. 

And it’s true. I think back to the times of hardship that came before Chance was born. Maybe those seasons of pain paved the way for a steady determination to keep pressing on in the aftermath of losing my only son. Infertility. A life changing diagnosis of my oldest living daughter. These things felt extremely heavy at the time, and yet, God faithfully walked with me to healing. I learned the discipline of endurance during each prior trial, and I knew if I kept faithfully showing up even when absent of desire, He would pull me through the other side of losing a child.

In her book So Long, Normal Laura Story writes, “First, suffering. I can almost see your faces sour at the mere mention of the word! Imagine what the word suffering would look like in calligraphy on a nicely distressed panel of wood. We see a thousand options for wall decor on Etsy, lovely sentiments to hang in our kitchens that say “blessed” or “grateful” or “gather.” I’ve yet to find one of those pretty signs that says “suffering”! Yet there it is at the top of Paul’s list. The very thing all of us spend an enormous amount of time and money trying to avoid is what Paul tells us leads to some of the most sought-after attributes.

Paul continued to say that suffering leads to endurance. Wait a minute. Was Paul saying that suffering always leads to endurance? Of course not. Yet you have to admit that endurance is not something you can gain without suffering. There is no longed-for finish line without the race. There is no remission to celebrate without the initial cancer. Though no one longs to suffer, it is essential to gaining the virtue of endurance. And I would even suggest, as Paul did here, that endurance is the natural by-product of suffering for the life of a Christ follower.”

To say it another way, it is possible that character cannot be truly developed in ease and quiet. Some of the strongest souls are those with the deepest scars. I truly believe that my many seasons of suffering, and especially burying a baby born still from my body, uncovered a gift that might not have been uncovered any other way: the gift of perseverance, of endurance. And because God is always thinking ahead on our behalf, the gift is not one and done. Praise Him! The gift continues because when the next trial comes, and it will, I know without a doubt I will not be taken under. I will make it through with God as my faithful guide, and I will not give up hope for better days ahead.

Brittnie lives in Sugar Land, Texas and enjoys writing on her blog and other outlets, baking, lingering coffee dates, and soaking in moments with her family. She is a wife to Brandon and a mom to Clara, Camille, and Hope Mom to Baby A (Clara’s twin) and Chance. Psalm 62:1-2 is her go to verse when she needs quick encouragement. She is author of Desert Song, and you can visit with Brittnie at her personal blog, A Joy Renewed, where she shares her faith and family, and encourages her readers to claim joy despite circumstance.

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