22 results for tag: Sam


How the Truth of God Strengthens Us in our Grief

When Max died, I had so many feelings. Feelings of anger, disbelief, confusion, and doubt in my own body. I was sadder than I have ever been in all my life. Typically I’m not a big feeler; I don’t really experience high highs or low lows. Instead, I stay pretty even-keeled at all times. But my son’s death truly knocked me down and forced me to feel all the feelings, and if I’m being honest, I really didn’t like it. I didn’t want to feel those feelings. I had gone nearly 28 years without feeling a whole lot, and I liked it that way. It was easier that way, less confusing. But there I was, in a deep well of emotions I felt I had no control ...

I Wish You Knew: Just Ask Me

Often in our grief, those closest to us do not know how to comfort and encourage us. Sometimes they stay away or don’t say anything at all because they are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. In this series, we hope to better equip those around us to come alongside a grieving mother—to enter their hurt and offer hope and encouragement, or simply grieve with them. My husband, Spencer, and I are very involved, active people, with no shortage of energy and opinions. In addition to working full time jobs, we lead our LifeGroup, serve in various capacities at church, and have a very active social calendar. We are the people you can ask for ...

A Prayer for the One Who Feels Angry

God, I am angry. So angry. Furious. Bitter. Resentful. Offended. I am angry that you took my baby from me. That you would allow me to know the joys of pregnancy and motherhood only to strip them away. That you would leave me feeling so empty. So alone. So broken. I am angry that you would give me this road to walk. That the steps you have ordered for me would take me down this road. That the plans you have for me could harm me so deeply. I am furious at myself. I am furious that my body could not do the one thing it is meant to do. That it could not protect my baby. It could not sustain him. It could not get him here safely. I am furious at how ...

Finding True Joy

Rejoice. Be glad. Delight. Friend, do these words describe you in the midst of your grief? Or does the mere mention of the word rejoice cause you to scoff? Perhaps, sad, downcast, and burdened feels more accurate. It is entirely natural, perhaps even normal, if rejoicing seems like the last thing of which you’re capable. The loss of our children is certainly not a thing in which we rejoice. And the pain of that loss can create a fog of sadness so deep we often can’t see through it. The things in which we once found joy now seem hollow; joy and happiness seem elusive. But even in our grief, there is a place in which we can rejoice. A place ...

Discussions in Grief: Wailing

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  About two months after Max’s death, I found myself at a dear friend’s wedding. She had just danced her father/daughter dance as her husband walked out onto the floor with his mom. I felt my chest tighten and a lump form in my throat. Then the music began, and suddenly everything inside me broke. I ...

You Will Lack No Good Thing

God’s Word is filled with rich promises for His children. How do these “precious and very great promises” inform and direct your grief? How does keeping your eyes fixed on these truths anchor your hope in the Lord? In this series, we write about how God, through the promises in His Word, comforts and strengthens us in our sorrow. In the days following my miscarriage and the subsequent loss of my precious son Max, there was nothing I longed for more fervently than my child. I sat in an empty nursery staring at an empty crib with empty arms wrapped around my empty womb, crying out with all of my soul for my child. I wanted him ...

My First Time With Other Babies Born When Mine Was Due

A few weeks after I miscarried my first baby, a close friend who hadn’t even told us she was trying to conceive, warned me about thirty minutes before our small group girl’s accountability meeting that she had been trying to conceive, and was in fact pregnant. I did a decent job in that moment of putting on a happy face and faking excitement. But during the ten minute drive from where she and I had coffee to the house where we were having group, I began to unravel at the seams. By the time I arrived, my heart was bitter and angry, and I was barely holding it together. As we went around the circle sharing what God was doing in our lives and ...

Grieving Together: Recognize That You Will Grieve Differently


The Gift of Max

As we consider the profound impact that our Hope Babies have had on our lives, we can be filled with gratitude toward them, and toward the Lord. In this series, we reflect on some of the ways that we can say "thank you" to our precious babe(s) for the gifts that they have been and continue to be to us. We welcome you to contribute to this series by writing your own reflection on the impact your baby(ies) has had on your life and submitting it HERE. My sweet Max, You changed everything. You were light in the dark after the early loss of our first baby shattered us. Learning that you existed was the sweetest gift. And somehow, despite ...

The Belt of Truth

Grief is often accompanied by a myriad of temptations: anger, bitterness, fear, and despair, just to name a few. But God has provided us with everything we need to overcome these temptations, and to move forward in our sorrow with His strength. In this series, we will be studying the various pieces of our spiritual armor, and how each of these pieces uniquely equip us to cling to the hope we have been given in Christ. When Max died, I had so many feelings. Feelings of anger, disbelief, confusion, and doubt in my own body. I was sadder than I have ever been in all my life. Typically I’m not a big feeler; I don’t really ...